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filledelest
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  • Number of visits : 700
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

#19959363
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9356) - you deserved it (32981)

On 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm - misc - by Bontempi (man) - France

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

#19791702
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9390) - you deserved it (17615)

On 06/15/2012 at 10:21am - kids - by habbsrule - Canada

Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML

#19291584
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33570) - you deserved it (2536)

On 03/17/2012 at 12:53am - misc - by Taylor Easley - United States (California)

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

#19260934
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19937) - you deserved it (3117)

On 03/11/2012 at 11:04pm - animals - by weep weep weep (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML

#18915455
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10410) - you deserved it (20248)

On 01/26/2012 at 11:45am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML

#18754752
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29476) - you deserved it (2211)

On 01/09/2012 at 4:39am - misc - by maruskasommers (woman) - Czech Republic (Pardubicky kraj)

Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML

#18733573
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19011) - you deserved it (37891)

On 01/07/2012 at 5:27am - intimacy - by Danny - Australia

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

#18465913
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8730) - you deserved it (67984)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States

Today, due to "severe cuts to the budget" at work, I had to stir my coffee with a paper clip. FML

#18402392
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20962) - you deserved it (4626)

On 12/01/2011 at 9:38am - work - by ohno - United States (Florida)

Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled "NINJA WAITRESS!" Every one at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML

#18390822
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33486) - you deserved it (5164)

On 11/30/2011 at 12:39am - work - by immy504 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, as I was leaving Wal-mart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML

#18384349
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5616) - you deserved it (45195)

On 11/29/2011 at 10:26am - misc - by birdfoooo - United States

Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML

#18159887
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12204) - you deserved it (31083)

On 11/04/2011 at 9:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

#18086804
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12166) - you deserved it (32291)

On 10/27/2011 at 2:41am - misc - by Deborah - United States

Today, my twin boys who are 5 decided to teach each other how to fly off the shed out back. They are still in their pajamas. Batman's arm is broken and Spiderman has a slight concussion. FML

#18022351
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28985) - you deserved it (5943)

On 10/19/2011 at 10:03am - kids - by optimistic2628 - United States



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