About fightingkittens : Once upon a time I had an FML published. Unfortunately I neglected to make a proper sacrifice of watermelons and chimney sweeps to the All-Sentient Sniping and Hissing Ovarian Longitudinal Entity and as a result of this grievance, it was never credited to my profile. You can find it by searching "staph infection" in the search bar--the name on the account is accurate.
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The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?
fightingkittens's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 05/19/2010 at 1:03pm / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Miscellaneous
by liu_kang / 03/16/2010 at 2:55pm / United States / Health
by hiii. / 03/15/2010 at 10:27pm / United States (Indiana) / Geek
by captainkevineff / 03/11/2010 at 9:44am / United States / Health
by raidered / 03/08/2010 at 1:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Username / 03/03/2010 at 11:34am / Health
Today, I reached a new low and embarrased my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML
by Anonymous / 02/28/2010 at 2:17pm / United States (New York) / Love
by aaalias34 / 02/26/2010 at 6:13am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML
by Anonymous / 02/24/2010 at 7:29pm / United States (South Dakota) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/23/2010 at 10:45am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by nutcracker / 02/23/2010 at 4:28am / Slovenia (Bohinj) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss made me some tortellini for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he started to give me a massage, while talking to his friends in Greek. He told me that he said "She's my #1 cashier." Turns out, what he really said was "See, if you feed them well, they let you touch them." FML
by meaganlea / 02/23/2010 at 12:17am / Canada (Quebec) / Work
Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML
by foutu / 02/21/2010 at 6:52am / Intimacy
by AwwChute / 02/20/2010 at 8:53pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my girlfriend out bowling. The place was not only packed, but on my very first attempt, I stumbled and landed flat on my "sugarbuns" about 6 feet down the lane. Everyone pointed and laughed hysterically, including my girlfriend, who was on the floor almost in tears, enjoying my pain. FML
by moobysrocks / 02/20/2010 at 1:58pm / United States / Miscellaneous