About fightingkittens : Once upon a time I had an FML published. Unfortunately I neglected to make a proper sacrifice of watermelons and chimney sweeps to the All-Sentient Sniping and Hissing Ovarian Longitudinal Entity and as a result of this grievance, it was never credited to my profile. You can find it by searching "staph infection" in the search bar--the name on the account is accurate.
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The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?
fightingkittens's favorite FMLs
Today, my mom was going through the newspaper and cutting out coupons for me to use. She hands me two of them, one for tampons and the other for a pregnancy test saying "well, you're gonna need one or the other this month." FML
by anonymous / 09/17/2010 at 4:19am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by gorillalove / 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I had to do something that many young technologically-savvy people fear. I had to get on my dad's Facebook for him to delete a rather scandalous photo of his genitals he accidentally uploaded. FML
by Anonymous / 09/07/2010 at 10:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by lalalasmiles06 / 09/03/2010 at 11:47pm / Health
by Anonymous / 08/29/2010 at 10:02pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by diesel444 / 08/23/2010 at 1:05am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by dentallycorrect / 08/19/2010 at 1:16am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/16/2010 at 7:05pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 08/15/2010 at 9:12am / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Miscellaneous
by Zippermania9 / 08/10/2010 at 8:14pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found a pile of animal skeletons scattered in my backyard. It appears that last night, mother nature decided to rain so hard, that the graves of my childhood pets floated back up to the top, and covered half of my field. I now have to pick all of it up before my dog sees them. FML
by L.Lime05 / 08/08/2010 at 7:27pm / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/04/2010 at 6:24am / United Kingdom (London) / Animals
Today, I was woken up at 3:00 am to the sound of a tape recording of a baby crying, loudly. This has been going on for 3 nights, non stop. Why? because I brought up the subject of having a baby with my wife. Clearly, you can see where she stands. FML
by kfoehslfns / 08/01/2010 at 4:45am / United States (Oregon) / Kids
Today, I realized every time I go to take a poop, my 9 month old crawls into the bathroom and sobs at my feet. I now have to let my 9 month old sit on my lap while I shit, because I can't do it any other way. The end to all privacy has now come. FML
by mr / 07/27/2010 at 2:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML
by Anonymous / 07/20/2010 at 12:53am / United States / Intimacy
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…