About fightingkittens : Once upon a time I had an FML published. Unfortunately I neglected to make a proper sacrifice of watermelons and chimney sweeps to the All-Sentient Sniping and Hissing Ovarian Longitudinal Entity and as a result of this grievance, it was never credited to my profile. You can find it by searching "staph infection" in the search bar--the name on the account is accurate.
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The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?
fightingkittens's favorite FMLs
Today, my chemistry professor made us all leave our classroom mid-lab because the class was complaining of the smell, and he was worried that there was a gas leak from one of the Bunsen burners. There wasn't, but it's nice to know my "silent but deadly" smelled like it might actually kill. FML
by Anonymous / 09/23/2010 at 12:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML
by embaressed / 09/19/2010 at 10:13pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/18/2010 at 2:31am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my mom was going through the newspaper and cutting out coupons for me to use. She hands me two of them, one for tampons and the other for a pregnancy test saying "well, you're gonna need one or the other this month." FML
by anonymous / 09/17/2010 at 4:19am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by gorillalove / 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I had to do something that many young technologically-savvy people fear. I had to get on my dad's Facebook for him to delete a rather scandalous photo of his genitals he accidentally uploaded. FML
by Anonymous / 09/07/2010 at 10:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by lalalasmiles06 / 09/03/2010 at 11:47pm / Health
by Anonymous / 08/29/2010 at 10:02pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by diesel444 / 08/23/2010 at 1:05am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by dentallycorrect / 08/19/2010 at 1:16am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/16/2010 at 7:05pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 08/15/2010 at 9:12am / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Miscellaneous
by Zippermania9 / 08/10/2010 at 8:14pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found a pile of animal skeletons scattered in my backyard. It appears that last night, mother nature decided to rain so hard, that the graves of my childhood pets floated back up to the top, and covered half of my field. I now have to pick all of it up before my dog sees them. FML
by L.Lime05 / 08/08/2010 at 7:27pm / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/04/2010 at 6:24am / United Kingdom (London) / Animals
- 1Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana…