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fboy1588's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 12/28/2014 at 9:49pm / United States (Delaware) / Intimacy
Today, my mom got genuinely angry at me because I refused to let her pop a zit that I had "promised" she could pop a few days back. She said with utmost look of disappointment that I'm "not a man of my word". FML
by SystemofaBlink41 / 09/29/2014 at 12:31am / Puerto Rico / Miscellaneous
by lentmarz / 08/19/2014 at 7:37pm / United States (Idaho) / Love
by justno / 06/28/2014 at 8:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML
by Zekrome / 05/05/2014 at 3:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by lacy / 03/01/2014 at 3:23am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
by Anonymous / 02/28/2014 at 4:10pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2014 at 5:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by Z3R0G5 / 01/06/2014 at 6:00pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML
by Anonymous / 12/22/2013 at 7:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
by Anonymous / 12/09/2013 at 12:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by mistletoe / 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by single again / 09/05/2013 at 8:29pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML
by ass slap / 08/11/2013 at 11:35am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by accountnamevalid / 07/21/2013 at 12:45am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation
- Today, I walked in on my dad completely naked. When I expressed my displeasure, he told me to knock… Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in… Today, my boyfriend sent me a nude picture. I would have been fine with it if he hadn't taken it in…
- Today, after weeks of being stuck in the butthole of military posts, having survived spending weeks… Today, I bought my very first new car. I thought I was being pretty clever using the reverse camera… Today, my dating skills are so in the dumps that I had to ask my brother for advise. I'm 18. He's…
- Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted…