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fatbabypig's favorite FMLs
Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML
by Anonymous / 12/01/2013 at 4:43pm / United States (Hawaii) / Kids
Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML
by smooth / 11/21/2013 at 11:10am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML
by not getting laid / 10/13/2013 at 10:38am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
by Anonymous / 10/12/2013 at 6:03pm / Iceland (Borgarfjardarsysla) / Health
by easily amused / 10/12/2013 at 1:40am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/04/2013 at 7:36pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by spiritbeast33 / 09/11/2013 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom bumped into a table with a glass vase on it. Seeing that the vase was about to fall, I lunged to catch it. Before I got there, the vase fell and shattered, resulting in me diving into the broken shards. FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2013 at 1:44pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/01/2013 at 7:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Pontiacman92 / 08/29/2013 at 3:07am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/27/2013 at 8:32pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
by Ugly / 08/22/2013 at 7:40pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by violated ._. / 08/22/2013 at 6:45pm / United States / Animals
by me / 08/21/2013 at 7:45pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Love
Today, I asked out the girl who always looks and smiles at me in class. I was surprised when she rejected me until I found out she was actually always looking at the clock behind me, and smiling when class is almost over. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2013 at 5:37pm / United States (California) / Love
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…