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fallingstarsxox's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
by Jake / 10/02/2012 at 7:52am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by thatwas10yearsago / 09/27/2012 at 10:41pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML
by identitychangeplease / 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy
by he is going to hell / 09/18/2012 at 5:46pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by GMD / 09/18/2012 at 4:20pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Health
Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
by -___- / 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Kids
Today, after moving in with a couple of vegan zoologists a few weeks ago, I discover that they don't believe that we have the right to kill cockroaches, and will not allow me to do so. The house is infested, and it's spread to my bedroom. FML
by Stevski / 09/11/2012 at 11:08am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML
by dating a fucking idiot / 09/08/2012 at 3:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by TheBeautifulOne / 08/23/2012 at 9:42am / United Kingdom (South Ayrshire) / Miscellaneous
by Luna / 07/21/2012 at 10:30pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML
by Anonymous / 06/20/2012 at 12:41pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML
by anonymous / 06/20/2012 at 10:09am / United Kingdom / Animals
Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2012 at 4:59pm / United Kingdom (Croydon) / Health
Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML
by lafinesse / 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm / Miscellaneous
Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML
by Snickers / 05/12/2012 at 12:27am / United States (California) / Transportation
- Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me… Today, because I’m on my period, I asked my boyfriend to turn around so I could change my clothes.… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without…