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Mobility
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Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth and laughed before she passed out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52972) - you deserved it (3140)
On 08/19/2009 at 6:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was working at the theater as an Usher. A man comes up to me and gives me his ticket. At the same time, he takes a sip of water and suddenly felt the need to sneeze. The water came out from his nose and landed all over my face. I was covered with his mucus and had to wish him a good movie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32025) - you deserved it (219)
On 08/16/2009 at 12:31am - misc - by Tiff676 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, on my wedding day, when they said "you may kiss the bride", I swung my wife over in the romantic fashion and went in for the kiss. Unfortunately my hands were sweaty as I was nervous and she slipped under my grip. She fell and was knocked unconscious in front of hundreds of people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40886) - you deserved it (15387)
On 08/15/2009 at 3:50am - love - by slipperyhands (man) - United States (California)
Today, on my wedding day, when they said "you may kiss the bride", I swung my wife over in the romantic fashion and went in for the kiss. Unfortunately my hands were sweaty as I was nervous and she slipped under my grip. She fell and was knocked unconscious in front of hundreds of people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40886) - you deserved it (15387)
On 08/15/2009 at 3:50am - love - by slipperyhands (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37664) - you deserved it (61592)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:28am - intimacy - by unbelievable208 (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was walking around Walmart feeling pretty good about myself as I received numerous looks from guys in passing. All of a sudden a man approached me to tell me that my dress was extremely see-through. And, since I was wearing a thong, he and everyone else could totally see my ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7776) - you deserved it (6765)
On 07/31/2009 at 9:43am - misc - by EmBAREassed (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was at work doing phone computer support helping a woman with her computer. I asked her to close all her open windows. She deleted all the important company documents in the open folder instead. I got fired because "close windows" and "delete" have become "too technical" for users. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44885) - you deserved it (1647)
On 07/29/2009 at 12:34pm - work - by pixelbaker (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72606) - you deserved it (10081)
On 06/25/2009 at 12:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69329) - you deserved it (2101)
On 06/18/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States
Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53379) - you deserved it (2614)
On 06/01/2009 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by biker2012 (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I was driving in my car with my daughter, who was eating a nutri-grain bar. After a while she holds out her hand saying, "It's on my finger! I don't wanna eat it!" I pick up the little piece of nutri-grain filling and put it in my mouth, only to realize it was a large booger. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35941) - you deserved it (22207)
On 05/23/2009 at 2:10pm - kids - by nutrigrain123 (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my Dad took me to a yankee game at the new Yankees stadium. During the 5th inning the camera crew put a man on the big screen. I then yelled out "Look at that ugly asshole!" It was the guy sitting 4 seats to the left of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6184) - you deserved it (69523)
On 05/10/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by XxespoxX (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I read a PostSecret that said "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47868) - you deserved it (8217)
On 04/29/2009 at 12:13am - health - by fat_thighs (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18472) - you deserved it (45648)
On 04/25/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46278) - you deserved it (7883)
On 04/23/2009 at 6:45am - misc - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)
Friday 24 May 2013
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