About falconjade : I love to read, watch movies and tv, listen to music and play instruments.
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falconjade's favorite FMLs
Today, my grandma begins her second week of unemployment. So far, she has paced outside my door, randomly comes into my room, and I woke up this morning to find a bible on my bed. I now look forward to going to work every day. FML
by get me out of this house! / 03/03/2014 at 1:12am / United States / Miscellaneous
by ealovan / 03/03/2014 at 12:18am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/28/2014 at 5:26pm / Russian Federation (Moskva) / Intimacy
by Depirama / 02/28/2014 at 4:26pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love
Today, I called a company for a problem with our septic tank. Two workers show up, I take them into the garden to show them the manhole cover at the top of it. They open it up. We then gaze upon a sea of condoms floating on the surface. My wife and I don't use condoms. FML
Today, my car was found with a smashed window and a torn-apart steering column, in order to hot-wire it. The thief didn't get away with my car, though. The engine was in the garage, where I've been working on it for two days. FML
by minauto / 02/27/2014 at 6:58pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I've been forced to start packing to go on a vacation with my parents, because they say I've been studying too hard and need a break. I've hardly studied at all and was planning on making up for it all in the time I had left before finals. I'm screwed. FML
by goodbye cruel world / 02/23/2014 at 2:00pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend's dog got hit by a car. I was the only one not in shock, and had to drag the poor thing off the road, then comfort a hysterical friend while the driver verbally abused us and demanded we pay for the repairs to his car. FML
by falconjade / 12/06/2013 at 12:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by xomelodygervais / 11/08/2013 at 9:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Something I said? / 11/05/2013 at 10:26am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML
by pool party / 05/28/2013 at 8:48pm / United States (Illinois) / Money
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by great / 01/25/2013 at 3:36pm / Puerto Rico / Intimacy
Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2013 at 7:20am / Slovakia / Miscellaneous
by soph511 / 07/30/2012 at 2:05pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Animals
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…