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falafels's favorite FMLs
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
by ScoobieDoo / 03/20/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, my parents said that they bought me a car. I had been begging for one for a year and they always said that I would have to pay for it myself. I got really excited and went to the garage to see my new ride. It was a Hot Wheels car with a note saying "save your money". FML
by RdL / 03/17/2009 at 2:17pm / United States (North Carolina) / Money
Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML
by serverdessert / 03/08/2009 at 5:02pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML
by Can't Spell Worth A Damn / 03/06/2009 at 1:53pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
by The Sbeak / 02/13/2009 at 10:54am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
by bluntedone / 02/02/2009 at 11:42pm / United States (Arizona) / Money
Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says "What's for dinner?". FML
by Anonymous / 01/22/2009 at 11:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by C2 / 01/17/2009 at 6:17pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by loser / 10/29/2008 at 7:08am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Love
- Today, my mom's guilt tripping reached a new level when she told me all she wanted for her birthday… Today, I had a bout of explosive diarrhea in the midst of a car wash. I couldn't get out in time.… Today, and for the last few days I've stopped texting the people I talk with daily to see if they'd…