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everton99

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everton99

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 173
  • Number of comments : 60
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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everton99's page activity

Visits<b>coveholli</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 2:18am<b>firelord4563</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 2:14am<b>melbow697</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 4:41am<b>jamie_elocin</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 1:26pm<b>vairyhagina</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 12:01pm<b>sk8rdud3</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 6:53am<b>fuck17</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 11:29pm<b>emmingle</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 2:53pm<b>KhazKhazz</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 9:32am<b>marissa419</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 2:20pm<b>jacksonlindberg</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 8:36pm<b>courtneywa</b> - the 07/28/2013 at 12:06pm<b>seedotlover</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 10:15am<b>happylappy</b> - the 07/06/2013 at 4:55pm<b>radmuffin</b> - the 05/13/2013 at 11:51am<b>fdupagain</b> - the 04/11/2013 at 12:24pm<b>Domo17</b> - the 04/08/2013 at 8:11pm

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everton99's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML

#20462590
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39550) - you deserved it (3343)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm - health - by SF49 - United States

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

#20448629
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34263) - you deserved it (2766)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my neighbors discovered Gangnam Style. Ever since I moved in, they've had an obsession with getting wasted by noon and blasting out shitty music all through the evening. I could just about deal with their dubstep fixation before, but now I just want to blow my own head off. FML

#20100208
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19546) - you deserved it (4264)

On 10/03/2012 at 5:33pm - misc - by Can you say "bandwagon"? (man) - United States

Today, it's memorial day weekend. The cops are all over the place watching for speeders and drunks. Some complete dickhead decided to spray paint "cop killa" on the side of my car. It won't come off. FML

#16384217
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37643) - you deserved it (2865)

On 05/28/2011 at 8:46am - misc - by mperh - United States

Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML

#12598629
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47737) - you deserved it (13760)

On 08/18/2010 at 2:23am - intimacy - by ...thanks honey - United States (California)

Today, I went on a first date, where my date managed to fall in a creek, take me to his house and measure my height, show me family pictures, and perform the Soulja Boy dance in his living room. All while wearing swim trunks because his pants were drying and he didn't have extras. FML

#10727772
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31599) - you deserved it (7112)

On 05/24/2010 at 2:13am - love - by gedderdunn - Reserved

Today, I drove 600 miles to be with my boyfriend of two years for his uncle's funeral. He didn't want me to come because I am seven months pregnant and flying is dangerous in the third trimester. When I got there I don't know who was more suprised to see me: him, his wife, or their kids. FML

#6210144
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73960) - you deserved it (5829)

On 11/08/2009 at 10:39am - love - by homewrecker - United States

Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML

#5148313
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (177092) - you deserved it (18072)

On 09/09/2009 at 1:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I decided to make a place in my house for my friends to sign called “The Friend Wall." By sign I meant sign, not draw body parts. This afternoon I ate lunch next to a basketball-sized vagina and a monumentally large blue and purple penis. FML

#4031081
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11383) - you deserved it (55788)

On 07/25/2009 at 2:32pm - misc - by rbates - United States (Florida)

Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML

#3613617
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45795) - you deserved it (3223)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:17pm - work - by ST3PH (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

#2459150
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22964) - you deserved it (75829)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)

Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML

#1012847
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13048) - you deserved it (74438)

On 04/16/2009 at 2:47am - misc - by filipinoclari808 (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
506 comments

I agree, your life sucks (236181) - you deserved it (81999)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)



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