- Town/Country : Not specified
- Title : Not specified
- Birth Date : Not specified
- <3 status : Single
- Number of visits : 585
- Number of comments : 104
- Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML
by Distracted / 04/09/2015 at 4:11pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work
Today, I invited my boyfriend to come to an event to meet some of my friends for the first time. I had been raving about him for weeks, and everyone was curious to meet this "amazing guy" I'd been dating. He showed up in a Darth Vader costume because he thought it would be funny to embarrass me. FML
by JJLight / 05/26/2013 at 11:14pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish byproduct. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML
by firestar772 / 02/11/2013 at 10:48am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML
by SF49 / 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm / United States / Health
by ugh / 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, my neighbors discovered Gangnam Style. Ever since I moved in, they've had an obsession with getting wasted by noon and blasting out shitty music all through the evening. I could just about deal with their dubstep fixation before, but now I just want to blow my own head off. FML
by Can you say "bandwagon"? / 10/03/2012 at 5:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, it's memorial day weekend. The cops are all over the place watching for speeders and drunks. Some complete dickhead decided to spray paint "cop killa" on the side of my car. It won't come off. FML
by mperh / 05/28/2011 at 8:46am / United States / Transportation
by Devon / 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML
by ...thanks honey / 08/18/2010 at 2:23am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I went on a first date, where my date managed to fall in a creek, take me to his house and measure my height, show me family pictures, and perform the Soulja Boy dance in his living room. All while wearing swim trunks because his pants were drying and he didn't have extras. FML
by gedderdunn / 05/24/2010 at 2:13am / Reserved / Love
Today, I drove 600 miles to be with my boyfriend of two years for his uncle's funeral. He didn't want me to come because I am seven months pregnant and flying is dangerous in the third trimester. When I got there I don't know who was more suprised to see me: him, his wife, or their kids. FML
by homewrecker / 11/08/2009 at 10:39am / United States / Love
Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2009 at 1:21pm / United States (Arizona) / Holidays
Today, while biking home from work, a 12 mile trip, I was speeding down a long hill and my jean pant leg got caught in the chain. It ripped, and then the rest of my pant leg ripped off. I had to bike 10 more miles half naked along the highway. FML
by OMGWTF / 08/12/2009 at 10:01pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I decided to make a place in my house for my friends to sign called “The Friend Wall." By sign I meant sign, not draw body parts. This afternoon I ate lunch next to a basketball-sized vagina and a monumentally large blue and purple penis. FML
by rbates / 07/25/2009 at 2:32pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML
by ST3PH / 07/09/2009 at 3:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work