everton99

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everton99

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 547
  • Number of comments : 102
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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everton99's page activity

Visits<b>mas12806</b> - the 05/15/2016 at 12:02pm<b>Googolman</b> - the 05/15/2016 at 10:20am<b>Artigedude65</b> - the 05/15/2016 at 4:15am<b>shavednipples</b> - the 05/15/2016 at 2:35am<b>kitkat3308</b> - the 05/15/2016 at 2:09am<b>CrazyPitMom</b> - the 05/14/2016 at 10:46pm<b>Sunflora219</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 9:31pm<b>Based_Scooby</b> - the 02/24/2016 at 12:25am<b>Feklfekl2222</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 2:20pm<b>LtBrenton</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 9:29am<b>Tenker</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 12:22am<b>StupidMonkey497</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 10:40am<b>inuyouko</b> - the 11/02/2015 at 1:26pm<b>Doomwyte</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 8:13pm<b>toneeangel</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 10:21pm<b>Mons</b> - the 08/21/2015 at 2:40am<b>xyris</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 8:58pm<b>FireFighter818</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 1:51pm

everton99's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of everton99's badges

everton99's favorite FMLs

Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML

by Distracted / 04/09/2015 at 4:11pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work

Today, I invited my boyfriend to come to an event to meet some of my friends for the first time. I had been raving about him for weeks, and everyone was curious to meet this "amazing guy" I'd been dating. He showed up in a Darth Vader costume because he thought it would be funny to embarrass me. FML

by JJLight / 05/26/2013 at 11:14pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish byproduct. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML

by firestar772 / 02/11/2013 at 10:48am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML

by SF49 / 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm / United States / Health

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

by ugh / 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, my neighbors discovered Gangnam Style. Ever since I moved in, they've had an obsession with getting wasted by noon and blasting out shitty music all through the evening. I could just about deal with their dubstep fixation before, but now I just want to blow my own head off. FML

by Can you say "bandwagon"? / 10/03/2012 at 5:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, it's memorial day weekend. The cops are all over the place watching for speeders and drunks. Some complete dickhead decided to spray paint "cop killa" on the side of my car. It won't come off. FML

by mperh / 05/28/2011 at 8:46am / United States / Transportation

Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML

by Devon / 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous

Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML

by ...thanks honey / 08/18/2010 at 2:23am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a first date, where my date managed to fall in a creek, take me to his house and measure my height, show me family pictures, and perform the Soulja Boy dance in his living room. All while wearing swim trunks because his pants were drying and he didn't have extras. FML

by gedderdunn / 05/24/2010 at 2:13am / Reserved / Love

Today, I drove 600 miles to be with my boyfriend of two years for his uncle's funeral. He didn't want me to come because I am seven months pregnant and flying is dangerous in the third trimester. When I got there I don't know who was more suprised to see me: him, his wife, or their kids. FML

by homewrecker / 11/08/2009 at 10:39am / United States / Love

Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2009 at 1:21pm / United States (Arizona) / Holidays

Today, while biking home from work, a 12 mile trip, I was speeding down a long hill and my jean pant leg got caught in the chain. It ripped, and then the rest of my pant leg ripped off. I had to bike 10 more miles half naked along the highway. FML

by OMGWTF / 08/12/2009 at 10:01pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I decided to make a place in my house for my friends to sign called “The Friend Wall." By sign I meant sign, not draw body parts. This afternoon I ate lunch next to a basketball-sized vagina and a monumentally large blue and purple penis. FML

by rbates / 07/25/2009 at 2:32pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML

by ST3PH / 07/09/2009 at 3:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work