evan_7899

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Offline (the 01/13/2014 at 3:07am)

evan_7899

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 18 April 1979 (37 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5817
  • Number of comments : 197
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 29 posted

About evan_7899 : I Im from Toronto Canada and Italian Background

evan_7899's page activity

Visits<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 04/22/2016 at 9:00am<b>doyouwantmedead</b> - the 03/30/2016 at 12:46pm<b>Feklfekl2222</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 1:42pm<b>Torvaltz</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 2:14am<b>aeisha26</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 8:49pm<b>slingerslasher</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 4:28pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 10:25pm<b>xTommytheGUNx</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 4:28pm<b>Strangequeen22</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 2:16am<b>ToxicTyrael</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 4:53am<b>TheBestAround23</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 10:11pm<b>Haon329</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 1:32am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 12:31pm<b>Wondermage</b> - the 02/27/2015 at 9:08pm<b>tampabayfan</b> - the 01/15/2015 at 10:54pm<b>shay_serendipity</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 8:35pm<b>EmoKami</b> - the 11/26/2014 at 4:08pm<b>Ka5hif</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 11:53am

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 8:20pm

evan_7899's FML badges

Tweet, tweet

You have shared 20 FMLs on Twitter, your followers love you and we can understand why.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I like things a lot, 20 times in fact

You have liked 20 FMLs and your Facebook friends are going to like the FMLs that you have liked. We like that.

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evan_7899's favorite FMLs

Today, after getting back from my interior design class, I told my husband that I learned the golden rule for home decor: "Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful." He looked at me dead in the eyes, and didn't say a word. FML

by housedoctor / 02/22/2014 at 6:01am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Love

Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2014 at 5:46pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Work

Today, I walked in on my daughter lighting candles around one of her friends, who'd fallen asleep while her other friends chanted something in a different language. They still won't tell me what they were doing. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2013 at 10:36am / United States / Kids

Today, my mom got pissed off at my doctor and called him a quack. She did this because he reassured her that I don't show any signs of the mental retardation that she's convinced herself I must have. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2013 at 4:48pm / Croatia (Licko-Senjska) / Health

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML

by mistletoe / 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was chatting with my mother. She was telling me about some new mouthwash she recently got, and the moment the word "gargle" escaped her lips, my husband muttered just a little too loudly from the kitchen, "How about gargling my balls instead, bitch." Our family is now at war. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2013 at 3:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2013 at 11:49am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my grandkids went around my house claiming items to inherit. FML

by blah! / 12/08/2013 at 8:19am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

by car keyer / 12/02/2013 at 1:41am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

by MissYouPieceOfSkin / 11/27/2013 at 3:44am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML

by LadyLola / 11/25/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I had to have a talk with my stalker. After telling him not to snapchat me, not to text me, and that I'm not interested, all he said was "I think persistence is going to be key here." FML

by AshleyRose24 / 11/23/2013 at 3:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend went down on me. I don't know why, but my mind wandered. He now thinks that he has the skills of a porn star, while I'm pretty sure that finally solving a mathematical problem I've been working on for a week caused me to orgasm. FML

by you+me-clothes=53>< / 11/19/2013 at 12:13pm / Austria (Wien) / Intimacy

Today, my cat has figured out that while I'm good at sleeping through her nagging in the early morning hours, I will unfailingly wake up for my baby. FML

by kittyboo_is_me / 11/19/2013 at 1:59am / Slovenia (Maribor) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got my dad to fill in a questionnaire my teacher handed out on Friday. One question said "I would like to see my son/daughter ______." My dad wrote in the blank: "less often." FML

by :( / 11/17/2013 at 3:27pm / United States (Texas) / Kids