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evan12345

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evan12345

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  • Number of visits : 59
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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evan12345's favorite FMLs

Today, at my first day on the job, a customer threatened my life because our vending machine had run out of Doritos. FML

#20880018
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39588) - you deserved it (2969)

On 09/13/2013 at 7:13pm - work - by Anonynommer (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML

#20874035
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49190) - you deserved it (5352)

On 09/09/2013 at 2:15am - intimacy - by merpaderp14 (woman) - Canada

Today, after my grandma did some early Halloween costume shopping, I witnessed her modeling a "sexy nurse" outfit. After seeing her bare thighs and most of her ass, I don't think I can eat cottage cheese ever again. FML

#20868804
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45980) - you deserved it (4393)

On 09/05/2013 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by fuck my liBLARGHSLJNAdlajdSzxz (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail after he punched a convenience store clerk in the face for running out of Cheetos. FML

#20867149
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38497) - you deserved it (3265)

On 09/04/2013 at 3:00am - kids - by ven980 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML

#20865686
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59780) - you deserved it (4262)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:30am - intimacy - by poolgirl789 (woman) - United Kingdom (Bradford)

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

#20862871
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25930) - you deserved it (90324)

On 09/01/2013 at 5:57am - intimacy - by happyturtle (woman) - Croatia

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

#20042325
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23861) - you deserved it (2071)

On 08/26/2012 at 5:21am - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently my nose hair scares him. FML

#19238495
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19751) - you deserved it (12084)

On 03/08/2012 at 9:30am - love - by hairy (woman) - Serbia

Today, I met my boyfriend's very strict and traditional Korean parents. I had to listen to them while they called me a skank and how I was fat and ugly compared to nice, pretty, Korean girls. They don't know I speak Korean. FML

#14184009
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46715) - you deserved it (3026)

On 12/12/2010 at 10:03pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. When I orgasmed, my leg flew out and I accidentally kicked him in the balls. For the next ten minutes, he lay in the fetal position. FML

#14161331
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26948) - you deserved it (19244)

On 12/11/2010 at 1:00am - intimacy - by caligirl921 - United States

Today, I found out what "supersoaked" means. I thought it meant getting shot by a water gun, which is why I laughed when my daughter's boyfriend said he "supersoaked" her. FML

#12894594
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30619) - you deserved it (6188)

On 09/04/2010 at 12:15am - intimacy - by FMyLife5915 -

Today, I sat to the right of a girl I really like. I passed her a note asking her to homecoming. She read it, then hurriedly passed it to a hideous girl sitting on her left, who said yes, then hugged me. FML

#5598991
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34391) - you deserved it (10414)

On 10/02/2009 at 1:34am - misc - by asshole (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch, he looked down at my chest and said "I can't wait for the day that these produce milk." We've only been dating a few months and I have no intention of lactating anytime soon. FML

#5509745
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19990) - you deserved it (2583)

On 09/27/2009 at 4:57pm - intimacy - by e11ie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my Grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box,"Face this side toward crowd for best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on it's side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML

#2252019
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11291) - you deserved it (53249)

On 05/24/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Tyler_Padgett (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to the doctor and found out that I am infertile. When I called my boyfriend of 2 years (whom I was hoping to have a future with) to talk to him about it, all he said was "So does this mean I don't have to wear a condom anymore?" FML

#1056544
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58138) - you deserved it (6644)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Delaware)



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