About etishuman22 : I'm a budding accountant, and before you say, "That's boring", let me tell you that I actually enjoy what I do! Although my profession is boring, my own self is not boring whatsoever. I sing and play guitar (self-taught, represent!), I love watching BBC shows (Dr. Who and Sherlock, FTFW!), and cooking and eating of da foodz. Mostly eating. I'm super good at guessing ages! I have no pets currently as I lost my doggy Reagan last year to old age and stomach cancer. Sometimes I think I see him around still, so I hold the belief he's not done being a part of our family yet. You looking to chat and make an internet buddy? I'm down. I gots a few penpals from different social media websites.
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
etishuman22's favorite FMLs
Today, my friend asked to borrow my new laptop to email his college professor. When he returned it, it had a virus on it, and I had to fish out two pubic hairs that were sticking out between the keys. FML
by grossed out / 03/25/2013 at 2:25pm / United Kingdom (Peterborough) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a goodbye dinner with friends before I move back to America. A friend called to cry over relationship problems she refuses to fix. While I was outside trying to politely get off the phone, my friends ate and drank everything I'd ordered and closed the bill. FML
by sorryyouweregone / 03/25/2013 at 9:13am / Japan (Tokyo) / Miscellaneous
by Apes / 03/25/2013 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was late to a lecture when I tripped up the stairs. With a few hundred people already staring and laughing at me, I started to curtsy to my "adoring fans" but instead fell backwards down the massive flight of stairs. FML
by Anonymous / 03/25/2013 at 2:03am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
by fuckyoutoo / 03/24/2013 at 7:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, a few months after my co-worker had stopped wearing her engagement ring, I decided to put on the moves and start flirting with her. I soon found out that her fiancé had died, and that she's nowhere near over him, despite her brave face. I feel like a total asshole. FML
by Anonymous / 03/24/2013 at 5:33pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML
by Gixie / 03/24/2013 at 11:56am / Ghana (Greater Accra) / Kids
Today, I spent three hours painstakingly installing and configuring some parental control software on my 11-year-old son's laptop after I caught him watching porn. Barely an hour after returning the laptop, I caught him watching yet more porn on it. FML
by Anonymous / 03/24/2013 at 6:30am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids
by theawesome129 / 03/24/2013 at 6:20am / Canada / Miscellaneous
by And I'm still single / 03/24/2013 at 4:59am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML
by Anonymous / 03/23/2013 at 7:47pm / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 03/23/2013 at 4:15pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
by Anonymous / 03/23/2013 at 11:21am / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy
Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML
by kindergarten teacher / 03/23/2013 at 9:25am / United States (California) / Kids
by Hurrikhan / 03/23/2013 at 7:43am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Animals
- Today, I was on my bed on top of my boyfriend when I lost my balance and fell. My father walked in… Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between… Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse…
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one…