About ethan_unoxx : I love Saturday Night Live. A lot.
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ethan_unoxx's favorite FMLs
Today, my dad's psycho ex broke in and had a meltdown about how he's dating another woman now. She's barely 100 pounds, yet it took me and my brother several minutes and one smashed shin to finally manage to drag her out of the house, all while my dad called the cops. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2016 at 8:16am / Miscellaneous
Today, after two weeks of intense detective work, I found out my wife isn't cheating on me after all. She really has just been going out and playing table tennis with her friend like she said. Who the hell even plays table tennis? FML
by Anonymous / 08/23/2016 at 8:40am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying "If god doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML
Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML
by Rowaelin16 / 08/22/2016 at 10:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I gave my boss 2 weeks notice for me leaving work, as I had received a better job offer with twice the pay. I thought he took it well until I heard him mutter under his breath, "About fucking time." FML
by LifeAndLemons95 / 08/18/2016 at 4:23am / Denmark / Miscellaneous
Today, I almost got our office burned down by plugging the wrong charger into a laptop cooling fan. Tried to hide the incident and kept it casual but the smoke detector led it to my area and everyone knew I was the culprit. I'm a new hire too. FML
by funfettifirework / 08/18/2016 at 1:08am / Philippines (Quezon City) / Work
by FriendlessLoser / 08/17/2016 at 3:11am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a bar with my girlfriend, and I noticed an obnoxious guy from college I used to hang out with. I tried to avoid eye contact, but all of a sudden he shouted, "There's the guy who puked his margarita back into the glass!" Everyone stared. Yup, that was me, just last week. FML
by Noah / 08/16/2016 at 2:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I received a birthday card from my dad, over a week late. It was addressed to me using my maiden name, the enclosed check also made out to me using my maiden name. I've been married for over 10 years. FML
by anonymous / 08/14/2016 at 11:35pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Bg2466 / 08/14/2016 at 11:17pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by mmlncwdr / 08/14/2016 at 3:08pm / Work
Today, I was practicing for a Cambodian ceremony. I'm American. My fiancée is Cambodian. While doing the practice, I had six people in my face telling me what to do, all at the same time. I got frustrated and accidentally blurted out, "This is fucking retarded." Now the whole family is mad at me. FML
by rcoale1983 / 08/14/2016 at 1:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by royallymessedup / 08/14/2016 at 9:13am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Holidays
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…
- Today, I went to my company's HR manager to ask what the procedure was to file a sexual harassment… Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think… Today, I realized that sex with my husband has gotten so boring that I'd rather fake an orgasm than…