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esavage's favorite FMLs
by AnRom / 12/17/2009 at 4:58am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I found out that my mother cheated on my father. It turns out she had a drunken one night stand with the manager of the restaurant that my parents own and that I work at. The same manager I have been secretly sleeping with for over six months. FML
by Anonymous / 11/12/2009 at 1:27am / United States (Montana) / Intimacy
Today, after feeling fat and ugly and a bit depressed, I logged on to Facebook to see my boyfriend had posted "I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world!" I 'liked' it and commented "Aww thank you baby!" I logged in later to see that he commented back saying "I didn't mean you." FML
by deserved / 10/29/2009 at 10:27am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML
by jaxattax / 10/20/2009 at 4:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by presidont / 10/18/2009 at 8:25am / Switzerland / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at work, and some people came in looking for a particular couch. After looking for over an hour on the wholesalers website my boss walks over, makes me take my lunch break and then calls over the couple and takes all the credit for the sale. We work on commission. FML
by Backseatseller / 09/15/2009 at 1:35am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work
Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML
by InTheDoghouse23 / 08/24/2009 at 5:25pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was putting on my new pair of jeans, when my girlfriend walked in. She found the "XS" size sticker on the side of my pants, held it for a little while then put it on my crotch. She then looked at me, gave a little shrug and half-smile and walked away. FML
by just_a_bit_akwRd / 08/04/2009 at 12:15am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML
by Cody / 07/06/2009 at 7:28pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML
by pinkrazrgirl247 / 07/03/2009 at 2:29am / United States / Love
Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML
by poopshooter101 / 06/30/2009 at 7:53am / United States (Georgia) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/26/2009 at 10:31am / United States (Rhode Island) / Holidays
Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML
by feelinblue / 06/23/2009 at 7:31am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML
by ilikeirishducks / 06/19/2009 at 9:51am / Italy / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML
by NotSoYoung / 06/17/2009 at 12:35pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous