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esavage's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 12:10am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend and I were making fun of a photo album on Facebook containing pictures of two friends who just got engaged. I jokingly asked her to marry me. She said yes. We have been dating for two months. She's not in on the joke. FML
by jfranklin / 10/17/2010 at 9:39pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 10/10/2010 at 8:37pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I received a friend request on Facebook. I didn't know her, but she was cute, so I accepted the request. After looking at her pictures, I sent her a message saying "What's up cutie, do I know you?". She responded "Yes, I'm your cousin". FML
by crucets / 10/06/2010 at 12:37am / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 5:42pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
Today, a crying kid was brought to my attention by a customer. He was so upset from losing his mom that he couldn't say his name or his moms name. I took him around the store asking him to point out his mom. Once we found her she told me "I was hiding from my kid to test his independence." FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2010 at 12:27am / Canada (Quebec) / Work
by Alisha Marie / 08/04/2010 at 12:20am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I had to get an ultrasound, which required me to drink 3 glasses of water beforehand. The doctor said I had too much and told me to go pee out just a little and come back. It took a lot of effort to hold the rest in. The first thing she did when I got back was press on my abdomen. I peed myself. FML
by Aciliveth / 06/10/2010 at 12:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by pumpkinlover89 / 03/27/2010 at 4:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anon / 02/27/2010 at 11:07am / United States / Work
Today, when setting up for a rehearsal, my eldest teacher was standing next to me. My music teacher announces that it will be a tight fit and hard for everyone to fit in the area. The old teacher next to me leans over and whispers, "I'd like to fit in your tight area." FML
by pinky / 02/12/2010 at 12:13am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML
by pleasedtomeetyou / 01/13/2010 at 11:42am / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfiend of nine months. She's making a lot of noise so I tell her to keep it down and remind her my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later I get a text from my sister saying my parents want to make sure I'm wearing a condom. FML
by awskme / 01/08/2010 at 7:36pm / Intimacy
Today, I was working as a cashier and a woman brought up a suitcase. As I was ringing her up I checked inside like I'm supposed to and I very jokingly say, "Look at all the stuff you're stealing." She laughed nervously then hit me in the head with her heavy purse before running out of the store. FML
by WesJaz / 01/08/2010 at 11:35am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, I went through the Taco Bell drive through. The lady at the window handed me my food and receipt. In a moment of insanity, I threw the receipt at the cashier and yelled "WOOHOO." I attempted to burn rubber and get the hell out of dodge, only to remember my car was in park. FML
by TacoFail / 01/01/2010 at 11:46pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my sister that I haven't seen in years told me she has a bad meth addiction. I just sent her… Today, I bought my very first new car. I thought I was being pretty clever using the reverse camera… Today, my boss, who is also my brother-in-law laid me off. Why? Because it bothers him that he sees…