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es3508's FML badges
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
es3508's favorite FMLs
Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML
by fuck right off / 04/04/2015 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Health
Today, my mom texted me and asked what I was up to. In response, I joked, "Dancing on the dining room table, waving dad's Calvin Klein's in the air, and shooting bullets into her bedroom floor." Not only did the cops show up, but now I'm grounded for two weeks for being, "deceptively believable." FML
by #goodbyelife / 12/08/2014 at 7:38pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend told my four-year-old sister that "fatass" means "beautiful lady." I didn't know about this until I took my sister shopping with me. The woman at the till said she was adorable; my sister replied, "Thanks, fatass." FML
by Anonymous / 10/31/2014 at 6:55am / United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff) / Kids
Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML
by anonymous / 10/21/2014 at 10:11pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by SeriousJoker72 / 10/10/2014 at 9:17pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Health
by AgentOrion / 08/29/2014 at 12:16am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by younggirl101 / 08/05/2014 at 12:51pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML
by BaWanda / 06/30/2014 at 7:39pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Madridsta / 06/28/2014 at 2:28am / United States (California) / Health
by chevygirl51 / 05/28/2014 at 5:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML
by cunning glassist / 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML
by rolypoly / 03/05/2014 at 7:33am / United Kingdom / Health
Today, my mom came into my room, yelling at me about a pregnancy test that she found in my bathroom. My mom wouldn't believe me when I said it wasn't mine. Turns out my sister bought the test, threw it under my bathroom cabinet, and now she won't admit to the prank. She thinks this is hilarious. FML
by anonymous / 03/05/2014 at 12:43am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by brookenicolee29 / 01/26/2014 at 5:06pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
by RaccoonFever / 01/10/2014 at 6:15am / United States (California) / Animals
- Today my fiancee and I were having sex, it was lovely and we both were really into it. I decided to… Today, I was complaining to a coworker about how my manager had changed my schedule without telling… Today, I can't seem to get a job after going for more than 20 interviews over the last two months.…