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epicnarwhal's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
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epicnarwhal's favorite FMLs
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 5:03am / United States (California) / Health
by anon / 11/19/2015 at 7:53pm / New Zealand / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the bowling alley. I have short, stubby fingers, and as I looked for a bowling ball that would fit my hand properly, an old man watched me searching, and approached asking, "Is that how you are with women? Fingering them, tossing them in the gutter, and looking for another?" FML
by weldingmachine217 / 11/16/2015 at 4:47pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/16/2015 at 3:23am / Maldives (Maale) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymousse / 11/13/2015 at 7:34am / United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff) / Miscellaneous
by The horror... / 11/11/2015 at 11:52am / United Kingdom (Luton) / Health
by EnderHorse / 11/05/2015 at 3:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Health
Today, our dog died. My daughter was really upset about it, so my husband tried to cheer her up. "At least she will be doing something that she liked forever: Sleeping!" My daughter continued to cry for half an hour. FML
by Why? / 11/04/2015 at 10:57pm / United States (Iowa) / Animals
by klutz44 / 04/16/2015 at 2:36pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by transcendingnerd / 04/13/2015 at 6:46am / Philippines (Manila) / Kids
by jigglypluff / 11/19/2014 at 12:27am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/17/2014 at 7:56pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML
by Beeper / 10/11/2014 at 3:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother almost killed me in the womb when his cord wrapped around my neck. When she left the room, he said, "You won't be so lucky next time." FML
by Anonymous / 03/08/2014 at 6:13pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…