eog314

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eog314

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 10300
  • Number of comments : 46
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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eog314's page activity

Visits<b>B4bynunn</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 9:44am<b>dKateb</b> - the 03/24/2013 at 2:45pm<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 12:05pm

eog314's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

eog314's favorite FMLs

Today, I watched my neighbor bring his dogs into my yard to let them empty their piss-pipes and poop-chutes. He does this twice a day. I put a "cut it out" sign up. His dogs peed on the sign and knocked it down. My lawn is a landmine of dog logs and I don't know what to do, besides installing actual landmines. FML

by wags34 / 08/22/2011 at 10:57am / United States (Arkansas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was upset after a fight with my husband, so I cried alone in the bedroom. My 4-year-old son then comes in and hugs me. I thought he was trying to comfort me, but he then told me he had to go get his quarter my husband had promised to pay him if he made me shut up. FML

by Danielle / 08/22/2011 at 3:38am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I was with my boyfriend and I said that I was self-conscious of my acne. He told me that only one of my zits was noticeable and that it wasn't so bad. In fact he said it looked cool, like a bullet wound or something "awesome" like that. FML

by collball22 / 08/22/2011 at 12:58am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, my beloved pet chicken ran away from home. I got so distraught that my dad offered to buy me dinner. Specifically, KFC. FML

by xXangelaXx / 08/21/2011 at 2:23pm / United States / Animals

Today, my girlfriend came over to stay the night. Before she arrived, I popped a viagra to spice things up. She then informed me that she was on her period and didn't feel comfortable doing it. I had a headache and a massive boner all night. FML

by RohnAbheek / 08/21/2011 at 1:36pm / India (Maharashtra) / Intimacy

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

by Username / 08/21/2011 at 5:59am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I'm a host at a restaurant. We had a birthday party for a couple of 15 year old boys and their friends. I went to clean the bathroom at the end of my shift and discovered cake everywhere, including all over the urinal. They were even nice enough to draw a smiley on the mirror with icing. FML

by cakehater / 08/21/2011 at 3:35am / United States (Arkansas) / Work

Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML

by Emily / 08/21/2011 at 12:54am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend of two years confessed that she'd gotten married. But not to worry: she only did it for "tax reasons." FML

by The_Taxman / 08/20/2011 at 6:20pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML

by ChePow / 08/20/2011 at 2:26pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my 4 year old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2011 at 10:08am / United States / Kids

Today, I went to the movies. I was seated next to a woman who talked through the film and said: "Awwww" every time she saw a primate. I went to see 'Rise of Planet of the Apes'. FML

by RensM / 08/20/2011 at 5:54am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl of my dreams that I've been dating for months called me. Apparently she's been having recurring nightmares of me cheating on her. She dumped me "just in case." FML

by Username / 08/20/2011 at 5:20am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2011 at 3:42am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I found out that instead of being stationed in Afghanistan, my husband of 9 years has been "stationed" at his other girlfriend's house. FML

by AlwaysGottaFML / 08/20/2011 at 3:26am / United States (North Carolina) / Love