enkt

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Offline (the 05/11/2016 at 4:16am)

enkt

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6874
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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enkt's page activity

Visits<b>Slavgaard</b> - the 03/18/2013 at 3:54pm

enkt's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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enkt's favorite FMLs

Today, I started charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognized my iPhone as an MP3 player and started playing the audio from the porn video I watched before we left. Everybody heard. FML

by anonymous / 01/05/2013 at 11:16am / United States / Transportation

Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML

by VampObsessed / 01/05/2013 at 12:30am / United States (Texas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML

by marisa / 01/04/2013 at 7:31pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Love

Today, I found out that there's something my new wife hates more than spiders. Black people. FML

by WellShit / 01/03/2013 at 9:19pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

by Dimples / 01/03/2013 at 6:35am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2013 at 2:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

by ashbeat / 01/01/2013 at 10:20am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

by aelia_oups / 12/31/2012 at 5:09pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend knocked into me with his car. I drove myself to the hospital because he couldn't stop laughing long enough to drive. FML

by anon / 12/31/2012 at 1:13pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I sat on my own testicles while having a serious and tenderly sweet discussion with my fiancée about our future together. We were both crying, but for very different reasons. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2012 at 6:16am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, while helping out at a retirement home, I had to get a book off a bookshelf. When I reached up, my watch got stuck on my shirt, resulting in my shirt lifting up. I just flashed my man-boobs to at least 20 senior citizens, and one of them even asked if he could have a feel. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2012 at 2:58am / United States / Work

Today, my dad asked me when I was going to start looking for a job. Jokingly, I told him next year. He got pissed, started to yell, then realized Tuesday is New Year's Day and grounded me for "being a dumbass." FML

by BAMN2187 / 12/30/2012 at 10:51pm / United States / Work

Today, I realized something: when other people are drunk, they dance around and make out with people. When I'm drunk, I apparently think it's a great idea to chew on electrical cords. FML

by almostkilledmyself / 12/29/2012 at 2:30am / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

by ELparano / 12/28/2012 at 8:21pm / Canada / Transportation

Today, while sharing a few beers on the couch with my boyfriend, he drunkenly uttered the fateful words, "Babe, if I could suck my own dick, you'd be single as HELL." FML

by well, i am now / 12/27/2012 at 7:24pm / United States / Intimacy