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enkt

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enkt

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4745
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Visits<b>Slavgaard</b> - the 03/18/2013 at 3:54pm

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enkt's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend learned how to somersault. He now thinks that he's a ninja and somersaults into every room. FML

#20105538
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19779) - you deserved it (4216)

On 10/07/2012 at 10:20am - love - by justabitembarrassed - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32072) - you deserved it (6611)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my four roommates and I contracted lice. While all our heads were slathered in mayonnaise and saran wrap, our building's fire alarm went off. FML

#20103879
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21332) - you deserved it (2984)

On 10/06/2012 at 3:28am - health - by EastOneTen - United States

Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML

#20103865
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21842) - you deserved it (1526)

On 10/06/2012 at 3:12am - health - by monkers - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML

#20102773
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12549) - you deserved it (24497)

On 10/05/2012 at 10:56am - misc - by OhMeGerd (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML

#20101823
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20615) - you deserved it (2684)

On 10/04/2012 at 7:24pm - misc - by disgusted (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my teacher's comments on my essay read, "I know it's college, but you use a lot of unnecessary words with a lot of syllables." He basically scolded me for having a complex vocabulary. I go to an accredited state university. Nothing says "America" like under-achieving professors. FML

#20100352
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22916) - you deserved it (7389)

On 10/03/2012 at 7:00pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

#20099894
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35821) - you deserved it (4862)

On 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

#20094500
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30941) - you deserved it (5266)

On 09/30/2012 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

#20094121
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21866) - you deserved it (1765)

On 09/29/2012 at 8:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got food poisoning at work. I had my head in the toilet when the auto flush decided to turn on. The force of the flush was so powerful half of what I threw up splashed back into my face. FML

#20093027
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26731) - you deserved it (2101)

On 09/29/2012 at 12:08am - health - by cedechan (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I unintentionally moaned during my prostate exam. FML

#20092313
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34272) - you deserved it (6819)

On 09/28/2012 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, I was on a plane returning to University, and I decided to shut my eyes. I opened them about 45 minutes later just as the plane landed to find I couldn't move at all. I was in sleep paralysis. The air hostesses had to lift me out of my seat. FML

#20090890
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25569) - you deserved it (1839)

On 09/27/2012 at 11:46am - health - by Dave (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

#20090283
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19524) - you deserved it (2458)

On 09/26/2012 at 10:29pm - love - by - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he came. This was a good thing, except when he did he started bellowing the Imperial March theme from Star Wars. When I asked him about it, all he said was, "I thought you'd like it." FML

#20089963
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22150) - you deserved it (3557)

On 09/26/2012 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by wickedbeauty333 (woman) - United States (Texas)



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