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emtina47

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emtina47

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  • Number of visits : 92
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emtina47's favorite FMLs

Today, while at work, a customer gave me a $20 tip. I explained to him we aren't allowed to accept tips, but he insisted. When I called the manager to report it, he pocketed my tip. FML

#20157115
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12372) - you deserved it (26067)

On 11/10/2012 at 2:23am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML

#20156617
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21118) - you deserved it (2784)

On 11/09/2012 at 7:16pm - health - by dating a fking cnt (man) - Canada

Today, after dealing with infidelity in my marriage, I found myself looking for advice. This led me to the comments section of a tabloid article talking about Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson. I'm a 30-year-old man taking marriage advice from a bunch of vampire-obsessed tweens. FML

#20156173
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16832) - you deserved it (5149)

On 11/09/2012 at 11:07am - love - by loser (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

#20155904
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39990) - you deserved it (1823)

On 11/09/2012 at 2:18am - love - by SebastianMiko (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was told I look like a Simpson. I don't have blond hair, or any of the features of them. So I asked which one. I was told Homer because we both could use Weight Watchers and an education. FML

#20155893
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17717) - you deserved it (3718)

On 11/09/2012 at 1:57am - misc - by Kyle - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

#20149912
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30620) - you deserved it (4290)

On 11/06/2012 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Ugggggggggg (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out on his deck out back. When leaving, I heard the sliding glass door open on the upper deck, I froze in the yard to not be seen. Too bad I didn't move. Apparently his dad pees off the deck at night. I had to walk home covered in pee. FML

#20113299
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23372) - you deserved it (6044)

On 10/12/2012 at 7:11am - health - by monkeyzz (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

#20110803
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33840) - you deserved it (5516)

On 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

#20109762
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16134) - you deserved it (60958)

On 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by cumhole (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

#20108644
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33254) - you deserved it (3454)

On 10/09/2012 at 1:53am - kids - by anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31485) - you deserved it (6537)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the landscaper my wife hired on my behalf wasn't kidding when he said he was going to trim my wife's bush. FML

#20098929
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30715) - you deserved it (2510)

On 10/02/2012 at 8:04pm - intimacy - by praise the prenup (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

#20098094
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33911) - you deserved it (2344)

On 10/02/2012 at 7:52am - intimacy - by Jake (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML

#20095626
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31469) - you deserved it (4998)

On 09/30/2012 at 7:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML

#20091141
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35949) - you deserved it (2638)

On 09/27/2012 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by linn (woman) - United States



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