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emsdashkova's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/15/2012 at 2:18am / United States / Transportation
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous
by audreyav / 06/30/2012 at 4:10am / United States (Oregon) / Animals
Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML
by BloodFaerie / 06/30/2012 at 2:49am / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, after having a pretty rough day, I decided a nice, hot shower would be great. Ten minutes in, the shower head apparently couldn't take the water pressure anymore, and it flew off and hit me in the face. FML
by Anonymous / 05/17/2012 at 5:54pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by gumless / 05/02/2012 at 11:19am / United States / Health
Today, I walked into a public restroom to find that they had set up a free health clinic for the homeless; by that I mean that I found one bum inspecting and cleaning the infected, bloody genitals of another bum. FML
by Anonymous / 04/26/2012 at 8:08am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by pmek / 03/26/2012 at 5:11am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by ohno / 03/25/2012 at 9:11am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, the subject of penis size came up while my boyfriend and I were chatting. He asked if he was big, and I replied that whatever size he was, he was enough to satisfy me. Apparently, that was the wrong answer, and he spent the rest of the night sulking because I didn't say he was enormous. FML
by tellingthetruth / 03/21/2012 at 12:25pm / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Intimacy
by deadhamster / 02/03/2012 at 1:29pm / United States / Animals
by ktinanic / 12/30/2011 at 12:27pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 1:45am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
by areyouserial / 12/05/2011 at 8:21am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 12:23am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…