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emmersx

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emmersx

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  • Number of visits : 5823
  • Number of comments : 16
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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emmersx's page activity

Visits<b>username666</b> - the 05/05/2009 at 11:36pm

emmersx's FML badges

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emmersx's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

#2005903
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28871) - you deserved it (85966)

On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying "I'm good" or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML

#1972272
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59095) - you deserved it (23449)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:13am - misc - by UncleRory (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went out on a first date with a cute guy. Turns out we won't be going on a date again because I didn't know the difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." FML

#1968718
449 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29275) - you deserved it (66449)

On 05/15/2009 at 5:17pm - love - by not4geeks (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

#1837844
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93290) - you deserved it (5101)

On 05/11/2009 at 5:09am - misc - by mistake (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

#1592701
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23490) - you deserved it (83009)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML

#1547759
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68279) - you deserved it (9173)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by systeminitiated (man) - Canada

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house.I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

#1475433
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69495) - you deserved it (9168)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by ohmyx3 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my roommate hooked up with a guy she met at a party. After telling me about it, she says to me, "Maybe next time we go out we'll hit someone over the head and drag him back here for you." Apparently the only way I can get a guy is if he's unconscious. FML

#1378715
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44885) - you deserved it (4764)

On 04/27/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I bought a box of Fruit Loops. When I got home, I noticed a free prize would be in the box. I sifted through the box, looking for the small toy. It wasn't in there. I don't know what is more sad, the fact that I got ripped off by a children's cereal or that I'm 21 and upset by it. FML

#1375627
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48245) - you deserved it (13511)

On 04/26/2009 at 10:29pm - misc - by ahhnotoy (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my family and I drove to a mall an hour away. We split up, and I went into a store by myself. A little later, I get a call from my brother asking me where I am. They had already left to go home and didn't notice me missing from the car. They were already halfway home. FML

#1368223
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55476) - you deserved it (2678)

On 04/26/2009 at 7:44pm - misc - by chippuh (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose. FML

#1346080
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83328) - you deserved it (5670)

On 04/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by calliefml (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I got dressed in what I thought was a really adorable outfit. I had a cute pink skirt on, a white tank top and silver strappy sandal heels. On my way to the mall a car pulls over and this guy asks me how much for three hours. FML

#1259995
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27877) - you deserved it (70392)

On 04/23/2009 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by gabormelchior (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML

#1244870
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24014) - you deserved it (74426)

On 04/23/2009 at 12:20am - intimacy - by rejected (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

#1183815
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35628) - you deserved it (93048)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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