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emmajs's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/14/2013 at 1:23am / United States (Ohio) / Geek
by lilly1105 / 07/15/2013 at 9:19am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML
by fuck / 07/13/2013 at 1:22pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML
by i hit a cyclist / 05/27/2013 at 7:19am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Transportation
by What the fuck, son? / 05/11/2013 at 12:21pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Kids
Today, I was in a bathroom stall and I accidentally dropped my new tampon on the ground. Just as I was about to reach for it, I heard a voice on the other side of the stall say, "Oh great, I needed that" and then a hand reached under my stall and grabbed it. It was my last one. FML
by the girl next door / 05/07/2013 at 1:10am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML
by NotASize0 / 04/04/2013 at 11:12am / Denmark / Miscellaneous
Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML
by Agirl / 10/25/2012 at 7:44pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by scarred_sibling / 10/15/2012 at 8:10am / United States / Intimacy
by thatwas10yearsago / 09/27/2012 at 10:41pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I went to visit a friend I hadn't seen in ages who lives alone out in the country. I arrived and found the front door unlocked but no one was home. I went in anyway and helped myself to some food. Then a family I had never seen before came in, and I realized it wasn't my friend's house. FML
by Embarrassed / 08/07/2012 at 3:48am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to have dinner with my girlfriend and her family. It got silent, so, noticing her legs were darker than they were a few hours ago, I wanted to ask her if she used tanning lotion. I ended up asking her if her legs were fake. Her dad has prosthetic legs. FML
by ooops / 08/04/2012 at 12:06pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML
by NotGay / 06/16/2012 at 1:45am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I realized that when my new roommate said we could both use the condoms he bought, he didn't… Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of… Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came,…