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emiterio96's FML badges
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emiterio96's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/17/2014 at 5:00pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML
by no / 11/16/2014 at 9:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by wtfdad / 11/16/2014 at 12:29am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by lexigan4 / 10/29/2014 at 3:39pm / United Kingdom / Kids
Today, I watched my daughter squealing with delight in front of a video game. Beating a boss? Slaying an adversary? Completing a quest? Not at all. She was chasing birds, making them fly away, then starting all over again as soon as they landed. She's 19. FML
by melimelo24 / 03/13/2014 at 5:33am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, I called a company for a problem with our septic tank. Two workers show up, I take them into the garden to show them the manhole cover at the top of it. They open it up. We then gaze upon a sea of condoms floating on the surface. My wife and I don't use condoms. FML
by sistermonster / 02/26/2014 at 4:45am / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Work
Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout, my three-year-old daughter yells out, "Mom! Mom! Is that a man or a lady in front?" Embarrassed, I reply, "Honey, can't you see that it's a... it's a... a..." FML
by [...] / 12/12/2013 at 9:28am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Kids
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids
by accountnamevalid / 07/21/2013 at 12:45am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation
Today, I wanted revenge on my college's drinks machine. For the past two days, it forgot to release a cup before pouring my coffee. This time, I had planned ahead; I put my money in, entered the code, and quickly inserted my own cup. It gave me hot water. FML
by Anonymous / 04/29/2013 at 3:25am / France / Money
Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML
by laptitesouris / 03/31/2013 at 7:35pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Kids
by dane / 06/29/2010 at 2:07pm / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The cop was hot so I flirted with him as much as I could. But when he came back to the car he still gave me a ticket. Feeling desperate I said, "I thought you didn't give tickets to pretty girls." His response: "We don't." FML
by Anonymous / 07/31/2009 at 9:51am / United States (Utah) / Transportation
Today, I found a bell that had been tied into the tassel of my ski hat by my twin sister as part of a longstanding prank war between us. I'm deaf and have apparently been jingling like an elf for over a week. FML
by hipprep83 / 03/20/2009 at 1:40pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
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