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eminem4ever's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 07/01/2013 at 12:10pm / United States (Utah) / Animals
Today, I took my girlfriend of nearly 2 years out to dinner so I could propose. When the waiter brought the check, I caused a bit of a scene to get everyone's attention. When I got on my knee and proposed, she said no and asked if I could hurry up and pay, because she was embarrassed. FML
by Anonymous / 06/24/2013 at 4:26pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I was eating an ice cream cone, when I felt something drop onto my bottom lip. Assuming it was a piece of ice cream, I quickly pulled it into my mouth. After a sharp sting to my tongue, I spat it out. It was a bee. FML
by SillyScotsman / 06/24/2013 at 2:49pm / United Kingdom (South Lanarkshire) / Health
by Coolios / 06/24/2013 at 10:16am / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML
by jgtrflynn / 06/24/2013 at 12:37am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/19/2013 at 12:12pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through, my roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML
by Anonymous / 06/18/2013 at 12:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML
by imarriedanaxemurderer / 06/18/2013 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by young grandpa / 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by life insurance for 1 / 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML
by Mr_poole / 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by earplugsplease / 05/16/2013 at 12:16pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/08/2013 at 2:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
by clumsy / 05/06/2013 at 8:45pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/06/2013 at 2:13pm / Ireland (Donegal) / Love
- Today, I was in the car with my 16 year old daughter. There was a guy on a fast looking motorcycle… Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack… Today, while making love to my wife, I let slip her sister's name. I don't think it would calm her…