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emilyp814

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emilyp814

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 30 October 1985 (28 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 83
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About emilyp814 : FML is so entertaining!

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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emilyp814's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML

#20723435
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60266) - you deserved it (5422)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by Hannah (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

#20713183
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60931) - you deserved it (13811)

On 06/08/2013 at 6:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML

#20707414
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42834) - you deserved it (13813)

On 06/05/2013 at 12:03pm - animals - by SHIT-BREATH (man) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

#20494355
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41375) - you deserved it (12310)

On 02/05/2013 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Lockedinroom (man) - United States

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

#20484951
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32082) - you deserved it (4552) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by jay ze punk - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

#20482313
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36856) - you deserved it (2410)

On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

#20140057
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22781) - you deserved it (4068)

On 10/30/2012 at 10:27am - misc - by Obi1Shinobi - United States

Today, it's the five year anniversary of the day I broke up with my girlfriend to see other people. I've not had sex a single time since. FML

#20134961
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12365) - you deserved it (56896)

On 10/27/2012 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Cslouth - United States (New York)

Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML

#20108741
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13049) - you deserved it (31548)

On 10/09/2012 at 4:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML

#20088535
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21366) - you deserved it (1479)

On 09/25/2012 at 7:20pm - misc - by PerpetuallyHappy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML

#19914869
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24761) - you deserved it (1975)

On 07/09/2012 at 2:25pm - health - by deadman (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

#19682982
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10507) - you deserved it (40657)

On 05/26/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by girly girly - United States (Texas)

Today, I guess I accidentally left Facebook open on my work computer while I went to the bathroom, because my boss updated my status to "Unemployed." FML

#18765651
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13233) - you deserved it (49231)

On 01/10/2012 at 10:34am - work - by Needsanewjob (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got hit in the face at a dodge-ball tournament. My entire mouth was bloody. The sad thing is, I wasn't even playing. FML

#18316587
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25343) - you deserved it (2839)

On 11/22/2011 at 12:53pm - health - by haileyjunkin -



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