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emilycb93's favorite FMLs
Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML
by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 7:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
Today, the couple who had written the offer we had accepted for our house withdrew it because apparently when they came by for the home inspection, my next door neighbor's teenage son tried to sell them heroin. FML
by BrewPack / 07/13/2014 at 10:22pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 6:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, my mom asked me when I'm going to propose to my girlfriend. Not only was she in the room at the time, I've spent the whole week thinking of ways to break up with her without ending up in the hospital. 5ML
by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 10:11am / United States / Love
by LeaveHimAlone / 12/29/2013 at 11:23pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by take a fucking seat, gran / 12/14/2013 at 5:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I held the door for an elderly woman. As she walked through, she looked at me and told me I was a very handsome man and that I should meet her grandson. The woman was my grandmother, and yes, I'm straight. FML
by rick / 12/02/2013 at 4:15pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw my friend's car in front of school. I'd had a bad day and just wanted to talk with her. I got in and sat down, and felt something squish beneath me. Turns out it wasn't actually my friend's car, and I'd just sat on a random woman's cake. FML
by Sherressa / 12/02/2013 at 3:04pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
by tortured / 11/26/2013 at 10:11pm / United States / Work
by AshleyRose24 / 11/23/2013 at 3:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/22/2013 at 3:51pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, during school, I passed out in the lunch line and hit my head on the metal rail as I fell. Rather than helping or expressing concern at all, my friends simply left my unconscious body on the floor. Why? They had to get to the lasagna before the cafeteria ran out of it. FML
by _sempiternus / 11/16/2013 at 11:18am / United States / Health
Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML
by Anonymous / 11/11/2013 at 10:55am / United States / Love
by lucy_g / 11/02/2013 at 1:06am / United States / Love
by sadkid / 09/25/2011 at 7:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous
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- Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some alone time under the stars. Things were getting hot… Today, I was petting my cat and I jokingly said out loud, "Oh, the pussy likes it rough? You like… Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it.…