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emily689

Offline (the 05/06/2015 at 12:09pm) | Search for a member

emily689

0Fucked!

emily689emily689
  • Town/Country : Chicago, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 19 January 1995 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 554
  • Number of comments : 23
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About emily689 : Forever laughing at my own jokes.

emily689's page activity

Visits<b>tehaustiebear</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 6:05am<b>SweetBoredom</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 2:36pm<b>shanekicksass</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 5:40pm<b>toaster123</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 3:23pm<b>GoodRichPope</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 9:30am<b>shaww</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 8:05am<b>OctoDope</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 10:27pm<b>junkman6</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 7:31pm

emily689's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of emily689's badges

emily689's favorite FMLs

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

#21364648
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29753) - you deserved it (3167)

On 02/27/2015 at 2:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49633) - you deserved it (22264)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML

#20988758
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41956) - you deserved it (6914)

On 12/11/2013 at 8:14am - misc - by pootie (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend moved out and took all his things with him. He also took some things that didn't belong to him, namely my rent money. My landlord comes tomorrow. FML

#20951618
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42268) - you deserved it (3486)

On 11/09/2013 at 3:41pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

#20925183
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27316) - you deserved it (39201)

On 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML

#20842045
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52399) - you deserved it (6851)

On 08/17/2013 at 6:56pm - intimacy - by frustrated - Ireland (Kerry)

Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML

#20826589
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48945) - you deserved it (9004)

On 08/08/2013 at 12:43am - misc - by AnnoyedByFriends -

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

#20763590
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59965) - you deserved it (4756)

On 07/04/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, I found out that my cell phone bill was much higher than normal. After investigating, I realized that a text conversation I had with my stalker, telling him multiple times not to contact me anymore, was to an international cell phone. I have to pay to be stalked. FML

#20666438
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46515) - you deserved it (6017)

On 05/16/2013 at 12:31am - money - by astalkerindeed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

#20541635
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42061) - you deserved it (15742)

On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I bought an $80, "invincible" phone case. One test drop later, my phone had turned into an expensive paperweight. FML

#20161826
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8716) - you deserved it (30033)

On 11/13/2012 at 1:24pm - money - by bummed and broke - United States

Today, a homeless man asked me for some money to eat. He ate the five dollars I gave him. FML

#20161582
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25756) - you deserved it (3792)

On 11/13/2012 at 6:34am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML

#20161561
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7061) - you deserved it (29271)

On 11/13/2012 at 5:23am - work - by foreveralone (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML

#20161557
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20474) - you deserved it (2025)

On 11/13/2012 at 5:00am - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I was at the library using a computer to order a package. A man sat down next to me mumbling to himself while staring at me. As I got up to go to the printer, he pointed at me and screamed, "I will burn you alive and enjoy it!" All of my info including my address was still on the computer screen. FML

#20161493
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22454) - you deserved it (4664)

On 11/13/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by sarahcurtis213 - United States



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