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emanresuusername's favorite FMLs

Today, my sister brought her class hamster home from school. Somehow it escaped from its cage, and ran into my room. My boyfriend, thinking it was a mouse, stomped on it. I'm stuck cleaning hamster guts from my carpet, and explaining to a kindergarten class what happened to their pet. FML

#669476
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52197) - you deserved it (6927)

On 03/28/2009 at 9:33pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML

#399721
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53721) - you deserved it (29581)

On 03/16/2009 at 10:09pm - misc - by kaichennnxx (man) - United States (California)

Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML

#331058
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60621) - you deserved it (9758)

On 03/14/2009 at 10:27pm - misc - by storyofmylife - United States

Today, I was curling my eyelashes in my bathroom and while I was counting to 5 my brother flung open my door. I jumped and ended up ripping out all my eyelashes. Now I have to wait until they grow back. FML

#319307
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79293) - you deserved it (8252)

On 03/14/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by CPN (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was with my 6th grade class. During recess, we were talking about growing up and getting older. I said that one day, they'd start to look like me. Two of my students started crying. FML

#264101
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61909) - you deserved it (6050)

On 03/10/2009 at 7:58pm - misc - by ouch (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML

#245062
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63562) - you deserved it (19571)

On 03/08/2009 at 7:57pm - misc - by poop - United States (Ohio)

Today, at work, I was alone in the breakroom when I got a slight pain in my belly. I thought I needed to pass gas, so I tried since no one else was in there. It wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. I'm wearing a mini skirt today. FML

#242337
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61693) - you deserved it (18051)

On 03/08/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by squirty_joe (woman) - United States

Today, I was working at Target when an old woman asked me if I could help her find her favorite bra. I asked what brand it was when she replied "I'll check the tag". She lifted up the front of her shirt, and flipped one cup of her bra inside out. I saw everything. FML

#228106
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61733) - you deserved it (3831)

On 03/06/2009 at 6:11pm - work - by laurenmay (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my family gathered at my 96 year old great-grandmother's surprise birthday party that was my idea. When she walked in, we surprised her so much that she literally had a heart attack. She is now in the hospital. FML

#172580
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53867) - you deserved it (15427)

On 03/01/2009 at 5:04pm - misc - by Ashley J. (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was babysitting this one year old. She just learned how to say yes so if you asked her ANYTHING, she'd say yes. I asked her if she liked vegetables and she said "yes!" Then I asked her if I was pretty... she looked at me and said "NO." FML

#171559
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60397) - you deserved it (13176)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:29pm - kids - by hi (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

#32415
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82825) - you deserved it (10957)

On 02/12/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by janedoe (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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