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emanresuusername

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emanresuusername's favorite FMLs

Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML

#20643431
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51249) - you deserved it (3841)

On 05/05/2013 at 4:49pm - kids - by Aunjy - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

#20617044
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79479) - you deserved it (4083)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, I invited my long-lost best friend over, because I haven't seen her much since she got a new boyfriend. 20 minutes into hanging out, he showed up at my door. He still hasn't left, and they're having sex on my couch right now. FML

#20540616
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52976) - you deserved it (6884)

On 03/12/2013 at 9:22am - intimacy - by kenleybunch - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML

#20489402
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57503) - you deserved it (3480)

On 02/01/2013 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by thoughtidseenitall (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I sneezed so violently that my tampon came out. FML

#17227905
366 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62180) - you deserved it (7311)

On 07/23/2011 at 9:06am - intimacy - by Sarah - United States

Today, I was cleaning one of my elderly patient's teeth. After finishing and reminding her to floss, I realised she had died. Supposedly she was dead for a good 20 minutes. FML

#14058038
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62012) - you deserved it (4878)

On 12/02/2010 at 8:20am - love - by mrdentist -

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. She stole my wallet. FML

#11989675
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59364) - you deserved it (3638)

On 07/19/2010 at 8:23pm - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87478) - you deserved it (14624)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML

#5443972
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60614) - you deserved it (2464)

On 09/24/2009 at 5:50am - misc - by scaredtosleep (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man sitting on my couch. I asked him who he was and he said he was a friend of my mom's. He told me to join him and when I sat down, he punched me in the face and stole my cell phone, wallet, and car keys. FML

#5021178
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56088) - you deserved it (21695)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:09pm - misc - by robbed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

#4927406
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52543) - you deserved it (13829)

On 08/30/2009 at 11:23am - misc - by mel (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was very sick and kept throwing up. I took a shower after every time I threw up. While in the shower after I threw up, I had to throw up again, so I got out and ran to the toilet. I slipped on the tile, broke my nose on the floor, and then threw up. FML

#4543723
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51527) - you deserved it (9795)

On 08/15/2009 at 3:51am - health - by Ouch (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was in the car for 8 hours driving home from North Carolina with my family. We brought my dog along and I was petting her for most of the ride. I thought she fell asleep, so I continued to play with her. She never woke up. I played with a dead dog for almost an hour and a half. FML

#4464455
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59715) - you deserved it (4028)

On 08/12/2009 at 12:13am - animals - by jennabean (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having really bad diarrhea. I sat down on the toilet and heard a plop, thinking it was just me going to the bathroom. After I was finished, I look in the toilet to see my iPhone sitting in a pool of diarrhea. FML

#4029812
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58991) - you deserved it (21753)

On 07/25/2009 at 1:14pm - money - by Pottymouth (man) - United States

Today, I discovered my 18 year old son has been peeing on the carpet when he is too lazy to get out of bed in the morning and blaming it on the cat. FML

#3998492
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70403) - you deserved it (7020)

On 07/24/2009 at 3:04am - kids - by tony (man) - United States (California)



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