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emala1096

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emala1096
  • Town/Country : freaking stalker, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 30 October 1996 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 245
  • Number of comments : 38
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About emala1096 : A bit immature, but immaturity is what keeps my life interesting.I like to think I'm funny. Actually, I think I'm freakin hilarious. Huge Potterhead. (~*slytherin house FTW*~) I am possibly the awkwardest person you will ever meet, so don't be too weirded out by my fucking strange comments. I do curse more than I really should. Stalk me, I'll pry your eyes out with a plastic spork because I am just a conniving bitch in that way. Have a fantabulous day!

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emala1096's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML

#19832041
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21769) - you deserved it (1409)

On 06/23/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by Coffee Boy - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

#19623439
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35972) - you deserved it (3779) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm - misc - by lafinesse (woman) -

Today, I was holding my 3 year old brother, and apparently he thinks it's hilarious to pull my tank top down and scream ''BOOBS!'' in public. FML

#19093688
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28348) - you deserved it (4241)

On 02/16/2012 at 2:41pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my landlord came to my apartment because of complaints from my neighbors, saying that animals are not allowed inside. Turns out my roommate makes cat-noises when she's bored. My landlord still doesn't believe me. FML

#18501899
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22679) - you deserved it (1746)

On 12/13/2011 at 8:57am - misc - by Anonymous - Norway (Sogn og Fjordane)

Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML

#18346239
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18555) - you deserved it (1832)

On 11/25/2011 at 11:24am - misc - by tireedddddd - United States (New York)

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

#18086804
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12168) - you deserved it (32295)

On 10/27/2011 at 2:41am - misc - by Deborah - United States

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by. The attackers used water guns. FML

#17724131
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19780) - you deserved it (5573)

On 09/11/2011 at 10:50pm - misc - by COCKYmanUSC - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my parents think that I don't realize all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table: "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML

#17094831
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36782) - you deserved it (2725)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:16pm - intimacy - by wittlegirl - United States (California)

Today, I found out how it feels to have my groin catch fire due to a magic trick going wrong. FML

#16830734
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20727) - you deserved it (9058)

On 06/24/2011 at 5:57am - health - by chaoticnh - Austria

Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML

#16542323
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10127) - you deserved it (36662)

On 06/07/2011 at 3:50am - intimacy - by Kate (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML

#7774982
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10182) - you deserved it (20207)

On 02/01/2010 at 7:36am - misc - by wilsmith (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, while getting gas, a hottie pulled-up to the pump next to me. I finished filling my tank and started to drive away. As I was checking her out and paying no attention to my driving, I ended up taking the front bumper off her car with my truck. FML

#7366734
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3250) - you deserved it (29269)

On 01/15/2010 at 9:25pm - misc - by mah (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my boyfriend and I were using our skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom and I thought that I'd surprise him with my clothes off for when he came back. I heard him walk back into the room so I got into position. It wasn't him. It was his mom. FML

#6806655
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5217) - you deserved it (12919)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:25am - intimacy - by Jssceli09 (woman) - United States (Mississippi)



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