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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51287) - you deserved it (9561)
On 05/29/2009 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by FMLFMLFMLFML (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69344) - you deserved it (7489)
On 05/22/2009 at 3:50pm - intimacy - by herve (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)
Today, my company filed for bankruptcy, but the reorganize kind where it still functions . There are no funds to give out paychecks any time soon. They won't fire me. If I voluntarily quit, I cannot file for unemployment. I'm now an unpaid intern. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42975) - you deserved it (1590)
On 05/22/2009 at 2:39pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I learned that I have carpal tunnel syndrome. I got it from playing too much World of Warcraft. I got a disease in real life by living in a virtual world. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16783) - you deserved it (99251)
On 05/12/2009 at 6:05pm - health - by Loser (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (80427) - you deserved it (15491)
On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I forgot my inhaler. I had an asthma attack and had to go to the ER. The doctors told me it wasn't an asthma attack. It was just a panic attack from worrying about whether I would get an asthma attack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49425) - you deserved it (12536)
On 05/01/2009 at 5:07pm - health - by jlover42 (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I didn't have any money to buy a tampon from the dispenser at my school but my hands are small enough so I can just slide them up and grab one. My hand got stuck in the dispenser and my school had to call the fire department. Now everyone calls me tampon girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23361) - you deserved it (47661)
On 04/30/2009 at 3:56pm - misc - by obeezy (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my family threw me a surprise party. I was so surprised I punched my mom in the face when she screamed SURPRISE! FML
I agree, your life sucks (46578) - you deserved it (14694)
On 04/30/2009 at 12:45pm - misc - by Em (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, is my long-anticipated 21st birthday! Today also happens to be the first day of my period. I've spent the whole morning in the fetal position with agonizing cramps, reduced to tears and whimpering while the painkiller refuses to kick in. Happy birthday! Love, my uterus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71023) - you deserved it (6092)
On 04/30/2009 at 11:11am - health - by buymeadrank (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52695) - you deserved it (21604)
On 04/29/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by hyper12332 (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was on a friends trampoline trying to convince my mom trampolines are safe and I should get one. While telling her I smashed my knee into my face. I jumped off bleeding, slipped, hit my head on the trampoline, and got knocked unconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33023) - you deserved it (24365)
On 04/19/2009 at 5:44pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I saw a dime on the ground. When I bent down to pick it up, my $80 dollar pants ripped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26153) - you deserved it (45015)
On 04/11/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by ripped (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, it was really windy and rainy causing me to trip and knock into a little kid. While still gathering myself, I apologized and patted the kid on its' head. Then I see people around me starting to laugh. I turn and look at the kid, and discover I've been interacting with a trash can. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21265) - you deserved it (36510)
On 04/06/2009 at 7:47am - kids - by trashcanned (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discretely push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54205) - you deserved it (7821)
On 04/02/2009 at 7:05pm - animals - by darlingditz (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my fiancé turned 21. I stayed up and took care of him for 3 hours while he puked his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bed, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yearbooks, baby pictures, and childhood memories. FML
I agree, your life sucks (99338) - you deserved it (7471)
On 04/02/2009 at 6:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
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