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em_iweird's favorite FMLs
by j / 04/18/2016 at 6:24pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was woken by the sound of music coming from my living room at 1:30 am. My cat had managed to turn on the stereo and turn the volume all the way up. Just as I fell asleep again, there was a knock at the door. The police showed up about a noise complaint. FML
by elguapo3745 / 02/29/2016 at 1:20pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
by Agamar / 02/23/2016 at 12:00am / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, I almost died. My friends dragged me unconcious, hypothermic and half-drowned out of the sea. A helicopter took me to the hospital where they brought me back to life. My family's reaction? "You aren't dying so we don't have to come to the hospital." They wouldn't even bring me clothes. FML
by KereKris / 01/14/2016 at 7:11am / Netherlands / Miscellaneous
by Anon / 12/05/2015 at 6:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML
by Stuby14 / 11/23/2015 at 9:31am / United States (South Dakota) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/17/2015 at 9:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, I discovered that my mom bought roll on stick glue that looks quite a bit like deodorant. It was early in the morning and I was groggy. Long story short, I had to cut every one of my pit hairs. FML
by someboody / 08/15/2015 at 12:50pm / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 07/08/2015 at 4:50pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, while waiting the required 5 minutes for my hair removal cream to work, my cat rubbed all over my legs while I wasn't looking. After getting clawed to death throwing her in the bath to get the cream off, all her hair on that side fell off. I now have a half hairless cat. FML
by coolcat10156 / 07/08/2015 at 3:04am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/31/2015 at 4:36pm / United States (California) / Love
by leonuniz / 04/19/2015 at 12:34pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by noantiquesforme / 03/30/2015 at 2:39pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/29/2015 at 11:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I got in line for my flight to visit a friend in England. My mom was there to see me off, and decided to shout "No sex!" while waving, in front of at least a hundred people who will very likely be sharing the transatlantic flight with me. FML
by Anonymous / 03/11/2015 at 11:26am / United States / Miscellaneous