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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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ellysa

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ellysa
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 2422
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

#6396436 (92)

I agree, your life sucks (19156) - you deserved it (4399)

On 11/21/2009 at 10:25pm - animals - by gbabyy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my jeep wouldn't start so I opened the hood. I slammed my fingers in my jeep's hood. It latched shut. My hood release was inside the cab, and the jeep was in neutral and on an incline. It started to roll... with a ditch about 5 yards away. I had to skin my own fingers to get them out. FML

#6383914 (112)

I agree, your life sucks (31199) - you deserved it (5079)

On 11/20/2009 at 8:28pm - misc - by FoundMyLighter (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I had a pig kidney dissection in Biology. I see a 'sack' which appeared to contain a liquid. Being the curious type, I cut open the sack, spraying said liquid over me and my desk. My teacher, after giggling, informed me that the liquid was in fact urine. I was pissed on by a dead pig. FML

#6340257 (96)

I agree, your life sucks (8242) - you deserved it (23093)

On 11/17/2009 at 11:12am - misc - by Araya (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was in my hot tub with my brand new phone. I set it down and when I grabbed my towel I knocked it into the water. I quickly snatched it up and dried it off with the towel and suprisingly only one button stopped working. It was the unlock button, a perfectly good phone that I can't use. FML

#6337523 (138)

I agree, your life sucks (4605) - you deserved it (28865)

On 11/17/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by JakeHolmes (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to go see my boyfriend of over two years in a play. I knew that he'd be kissing his female opposite at the end of the show and I was okay with that. I snuck into his dressing room at intermission to find him "rehearsing" with her half naked. FML

#6309781 (78)

I agree, your life sucks (31406) - you deserved it (1902)

On 11/15/2009 at 2:51am - love - by irishbitch (woman) -

Today, I was trying to write an essay for school while sleep deprived. After getting 7 pages into it, I crashed face-first onto the keyboard and slept for 20 minutes. When I woke up, my essay was nothing more than a blank document. My face had been pressing the Backspace button the entire time. FML

#6250740 (172)

I agree, your life sucks (13642) - you deserved it (21886)

On 11/10/2009 at 10:38pm - misc - by IHateYouBackspace (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was teaching a ten year old how to play piano. Halfway through the lesson, she made a minor mistake, which, trying to be a good tutor, I corrected her. She smiled up at me, paused, then slammed the key cover down onto my fingers. FML

#6245178 (138)

I agree, your life sucks (27870) - you deserved it (1983)

On 11/10/2009 at 4:41pm - misc - by PiaNO (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, after a trip to my doctor I found out that my recent mood swings and hot flashes are the result of a hormonal imbalance that mimics the effects of menopause. I'm a 17 year old guy. FML

#6200798 (62)

I agree, your life sucks (26899) - you deserved it (1200)

On 11/07/2009 at 7:38pm - health - by oldlady (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML

#6186656 (88)

I agree, your life sucks (16368) - you deserved it (3339)

On 11/06/2009 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got to work in the ER at the local hospital. A lady came in with high blood sugar. She was concerned because the same thing happened to her husband. I reassured her, telling her she'll be back with her husband in an hour or so. Her husband died four years ago from something similar. FML

#6172287 (31)

I agree, your life sucks (17746) - you deserved it (4904)

On 11/05/2009 at 7:40pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was doing my paper route. I throw the papers onto people's driveways while sitting on the back of my dad's truck. To be funny my dad decided to suddenly speed up, causing me to fall off the back of the truck, face first onto the road. He didn't realize I fell off and kept driving. FML

#6169373 (86)

I agree, your life sucks (22881) - you deserved it (2692)

On 11/05/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by Xero_316 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML

#6165427 (153)

I agree, your life sucks (29716) - you deserved it (4687)

On 11/05/2009 at 9:22am - health - by HairyBoobs (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I bought an iTunes giftcard worth $50. I tried to scratch off the little silver thing covering the code with a pair of scissors. I scratched so much that it's now unreadable. FML

#6106000 (171)

I agree, your life sucks (6413) - you deserved it (37463)

On 11/01/2009 at 6:10pm - misc - by Sam (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

#6098895 (69)

I agree, your life sucks (26225) - you deserved it (2111)

On 11/01/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by WasteOfTime (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

#6078345 (68)

I agree, your life sucks (16735) - you deserved it (3389)

On 10/31/2009 at 12:34am - animals - by catwoman (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)