Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

elitemittens

Search for a member

elitemittens

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 29 September 1993 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 983
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About elitemittens : UH.

elitemittens's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

elitemittens's favorite FMLs

Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML

#19991658
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33333) - you deserved it (5019)

On 07/29/2012 at 11:24pm - misc - by guy - United States (Ohio)

Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML

#19990099
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9592) - you deserved it (24655)

On 07/29/2012 at 1:12am - misc - by daydreamer (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML

#19990004
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21680) - you deserved it (3262)

On 07/29/2012 at 12:25am - love - by Anonymous - Denmark (Sjelland)

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

#19984638
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27939) - you deserved it (5153)

On 07/26/2012 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Jarman (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

#19981825
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21000) - you deserved it (4801)

On 07/24/2012 at 4:08pm - health - by *facefloor* (man) - United States

Today, while bussing at my restaurant job, I felt a cold, wet animal slither down my leg. I started shrieking loudly and dancing dementedly to get it off, and everyone in the restaurant turned to stare. Then I realized there was a hole in my pocket and some quarters had slid out down my leg. FML

#19979543
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19163) - you deserved it (7122)

On 07/23/2012 at 11:41am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while trying to look cute and playing with my hair in front of a boy, I pulled a piece of my hair extension out. FML

#19974233
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6863) - you deserved it (42074)

On 07/22/2012 at 10:13am - misc - by Roma-Jay - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I realized that whenever I use emoticons, I tend to make the same face in real life. My coworkers gleefully showed me various pictures with my tongue out, face scrunched up, and so on, while staring at my phone. They've already made their way around the office. FML

#19967913
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7818) - you deserved it (17603)

On 07/21/2012 at 12:24pm - misc - by dawn (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my family of five and I decided to have homemade sushi. We did not prepare the fish correctly, and now we all have excruciating food poisoning. The worst part? We only have one bathroom. FML

#19962159
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10116) - you deserved it (25949)

On 07/20/2012 at 1:47am - health - by fuuuuuh - United States (California)

Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML

#19960444
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6020) - you deserved it (35781)

On 07/19/2012 at 7:56pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

#19959363
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10690) - you deserved it (36790)

On 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm - misc - by Bontempi (man) - France

Today, my boyfriend picked me up and spun me around like they do in the movies, but not before grimacing, taking a deep breath, and muttering "one, two, three... and... uuuppp!" FML

#19946239
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19118) - you deserved it (5040)

On 07/16/2012 at 4:51pm - misc - by dogmom (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I made microwaveable popcorn. When the bag finished popping, I took it out and opened it and put my face in close to get a big whiff. It now feels like I have third degree burns inside my nose and behind my eyes. FML

#19945940
154 comments

Today, my thoughts that I'm going crazy were confirmed when I got into the shower with my socks on. The worst part is that I didn't realize it for a good five minutes. FML

#19944321
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18633) - you deserved it (4801)

On 07/16/2012 at 4:12am - health - by goincrazy - United States (Wisconsin)



FML's blog

  • FML's Labor Day BBQ
  • The first Monday of September is a holiday in some countries, and is supposed to celebrate Labor Day. So, this means you do nothing to celebrate doing something. I'm confused.  For those of us who…

Monday 1 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: