- Town/Country : Not specified
- Title : Miss
- Birth Date : Wednesday 29 September 1993 (23 years old)
- <3 status : Single
- Number of visits : 2495
- Number of comments : 0
- Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted
About elitemittens : UH.
About elitemittens : UH.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML
by Anonymous / 08/23/2012 at 12:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by chrisbravo / 08/23/2012 at 2:54am / United States / Money
by jenA / 08/21/2012 at 9:04am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
by speshlk37 / 08/19/2012 at 10:19pm / United States / Animals
by lonelygirl / 08/17/2012 at 7:33pm / United States (Utah) / Animals
by SquishFish / 08/17/2012 at 12:08am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I was suntanning outside, when I had a bout of nausea. I rushed to the toilet, hoping at all costs to just dry-heave it away. When I lifted the lid, I was faced with two of the most rancid floaters I've ever seen, courtesy of my live-in gran. Well, my stomach's empty now. FML
by rainbows? more like shitstorms / 08/16/2012 at 8:22pm / United States / Health
Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML
by Amberain / 08/16/2012 at 11:16am / United Kingdom (Halton) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 1:16am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML
by didntevenknow / 08/13/2012 at 11:06am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Intimacy
by brooke / 08/13/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML
by kherien / 08/12/2012 at 1:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to an amusement park with a group of friends, one of whom was a girl I really like. When we got on the roller coaster, I was ecstatic that she wanted to sit next to me. Not even half-way through, I ended up puking all over the both of us. FML
by Darth Vomitus / 08/10/2012 at 2:54pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
by ice cream dude / 08/10/2012 at 9:58am / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML
by mary / 08/09/2012 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous