Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 29 September 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2409
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About elitemittens : UH.

elitemittens's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!


You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

elitemittens's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting out of the car when I saw a dark figure approaching me from behind a shed. I screamed and threw my bag. It also threw its bag, due to the fact that it was my shadow on the wall. FML

by ktreens / 10/19/2012 at 12:06am / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2012 at 2:33am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I got a call from my son's school saying to pick him up because he'd shat his pants. He's in high school. FML

by Mike / 10/16/2012 at 4:07am / United States / Kids

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, a clown came over for my son's 8th birthday party. There was a moment of silence then laughter as everyone realized the clown and I were wearing the same plaid shirt. FML

by Randolph / 10/14/2012 at 10:24pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML

by oppafucktardstyle / 10/14/2012 at 4:36pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out on his deck out back. When leaving, I heard the sliding glass door open on the upper deck, I froze in the yard to not be seen. Too bad I didn't move. Apparently his dad pees off the deck at night. I had to walk home covered in pee. FML

by monkeyzz / 10/12/2012 at 7:11am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my dog overturned and ate my trash, leaving coffee grounds and dog puke all over my floor. She also ate the broom. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2012 at 1:08am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML

by fionnathehuman / 10/09/2012 at 6:56pm / United States / Kids

Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML

by FarmerGirl / 10/09/2012 at 2:43pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love

Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML

by yolo is for shitheads / 10/09/2012 at 12:07pm / United States / Work

Today, at work, my buddy pulled up in his car. I handed him $40, and he handed me a bag. It must have looked like a drug deal, but he was actually just smuggling in the new Pokémon game for me. I'm 22, and a drug deal would probably have been less embarrassing to explain. FML

by Anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 12:03pm / Canada (Quebec) / Work

Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML

by Johnnogood / 10/09/2012 at 9:57am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML

by stoych / 10/08/2012 at 3:14am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2012 at 2:10pm / United States (Nebraska) / Health