- Town/Country : Not specified
- Title : Miss
- Birth Date : Wednesday 29 September 1993 (22 years old)
- <3 status : Single
- Number of visits : 1902
- Number of comments : 0
- Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted
About elitemittens : UH.
About elitemittens : UH.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML
by zero_minded12 / 05/20/2009 at 11:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I was in the grocery store buying a few things. A sales associate came over the intercom system saying, "Attention Safeway customers. If you drive a blue Subaru, it's rolling into 18th Ave." Everyone laughed except me. I forgot to set the brake. FML
by Anonymous / 05/03/2009 at 1:35am / United States (Missouri) / Transportation
Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML
by Anonymous / 04/20/2009 at 1:55pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards that doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a maxi-pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a maxi-pad on my butt. FML
by Ian / 04/18/2009 at 10:24am / United States (Ohio) / Health
Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor's new puppy. A huge thunderstorm came, and the puppy started whining and shivering violently. I pulled it into my lap to try and comfort it. One loud clap of thunder later, and the puppy had explosive diarrhea all over me. FML
by Puppysit88 / 04/16/2009 at 5:36pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals
Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "but I just peed in that water." FML
by poolboy / 04/14/2009 at 4:51am / United States (Nevada) / Kids
by Fitz / 04/12/2009 at 9:53am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML
by vetapplez / 04/04/2009 at 4:50am / United States (California) / Love
by goodbye / 03/08/2009 at 8:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by imalilangel05 / 02/10/2009 at 10:08am / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, I had to give a speech in front of my class and during my speech I had to say the words "But six"; however, because of my accent it sounded like "Butt sex". For the remainder of the day I was frequently asked about "Butt sex". FML
by Explicit / 01/13/2009 at 1:17pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy