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elisha897's favorite FMLs
by Drafrica / 10/13/2014 at 6:20am / South Africa / Intimacy
by unloved cat owner / 02/15/2014 at 7:50pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, whilst getting out of the shower, I tripped on the lip of the siding, bruising my middle toe. I fell, and in doing so, squished my cat. She won't even make eye contact and keeps wheezing. I have a feeling she is plotting my death. FML
by Ashlynnlove / 02/10/2014 at 9:12am / United States / Animals
by aherdofpigs / 09/02/2013 at 3:22pm / United States / Animals
Today, my boyfriend bought another expensive bong to go with the one he bought last month, along with his new phone, airsoft gun, and various other things he's blown our money on this year. He's bought nothing to prepare for our son, though, who's due next month. FML
by InconsiderateMuch / 06/16/2013 at 2:11pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money
Today, the doorbell rang. I saw my incredibly overbearing mum's car outside, so I stayed quiet and tried to sneak upstairs. As I crawled through the hallway, commando style, I realised the door blinds were still out for cleaning. If scowls could kill, I'd be roasting in Hell right now. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2013 at 8:40am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
by dating walter white's gf apparently / 04/06/2013 at 3:13pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by confusedcatlover / 04/06/2013 at 7:42am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML
by immaturity all around / 03/31/2013 at 1:55pm / United States / Love
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
by Apes / 03/25/2013 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML
by je_regrette_tout / 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/05/2013 at 11:13am / United States (Vermont) / Animals
by thecatlady / 02/27/2013 at 2:12am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, and for the last few days I've stopped texting the people I talk with daily to see if they'd… Today, my new husband and I embarked on our honeymoon together that has been months in the planning… Today, my bed broke down in the middle. My crush offered to fix it for me, but I can't have people…