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Today, my parents decided to wake me up on my birthday. They flashed the lights and yanked off my bed sheets. I sleep naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46749) - you deserved it (9263)
On 04/28/2013 at 9:16am - misc - by Beth - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12009) - you deserved it (44779)
On 04/07/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by maturity - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24328) - you deserved it (2748)
On 02/03/2013 at 6:04pm - love - by FUCK GOD (man) - Argentina (Salta)
Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24305) - you deserved it (1900)
On 01/25/2013 at 12:25am - kids - by teacher - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my young son and I were in line at Subway. I guess he got bored and started to insult the teenage girl behind us. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Eventually the girl punched him in the face and left. As my son cried uncontrollably, everyone else there clapped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6763) - you deserved it (36826)
On 10/23/2012 at 12:25am - kids - by Bratty son (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I brought my new puppy home. I saw her sniffing around, so I took her outside to do her business. She simply played in the grass for ten minutes, so I brought her in. She walked in the door, squatted, and shit. She has diarrhea. This is the fourth time today. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15163) - you deserved it (2403)
On 10/14/2012 at 12:39am - animals - by Patrick - United States (Louisiana)
Today, my sister was "sexting" her boyfriend over Apple messages. Since we share an iTunes account the messages appeared on my iPod. Apparently, he shouldn't be silly, and should wrap his willy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20332) - you deserved it (2069)
On 06/24/2012 at 8:28pm - intimacy - by Addison - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to the dorm showers to use the facilities. As I was getting in the shower, I slipped and landed face first into a puddle. It wasn't water. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21920) - you deserved it (1380)
On 03/07/2012 at 11:25am - misc - by whatawaste - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was playing with my cat and holding her upside down. She started frantically meowing, but I still continued on playing with her. Seconds later, she got explosive diarrhea everywhere, including my hair, face, shirt, and mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8525) - you deserved it (61656)
On 10/28/2009 at 2:40pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, at lunch, a fly was buzzing around my food. I managed to kill the fly in my napkin in midair. I continued my lunch, pleased with my amazing ninja skills. When I was done with my lunch, I wiped my mouth with the napkin. I can still taste bug guts. Karma. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7556) - you deserved it (22972)
On 10/22/2009 at 12:19am - animals - by munckncruncj15 (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my grandma went to get birthday gifts for my twin sister and me. She returned with 2 shirts that read "I see you've met the twins" in big letters across the chest. She gave them to us and said, "Isn't this cute? 'cause you're twins!" I then had to explain to her what the shirt was actually referring to. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39464) - you deserved it (2782)
On 08/14/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by twingirl (woman) - United States (Delaware)
Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13233) - you deserved it (35871)
On 07/29/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Nikse (woman) - United States (California)
Today, it was my boyfriends birthday and I saw he was logged in on ooVoo. He sent me a request to video chat so I decided to take off all of my clothes to surprise him. Little did I know, his entire family was at his house and at the computer because he, "wanted to show them what a great girlfriend I am." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19274) - you deserved it (54056)
On 07/26/2009 at 9:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML
I agree, your life sucks (101321) - you deserved it (6284)
On 06/27/2009 at 4:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65921) - you deserved it (163254)
On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)
Friday 24 May 2013
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