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elephantsarecute

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elephantsarecute
  • Town/Country : In your kitchen, eating your food
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 969
  • Number of comments : 80
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend's text, I accidentally clicked on this guy's name instead, who I've never met. He just told me about his grandma's funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, "Haha wow you slut, I'm sure you were aroused." FML

Today, I went to my friend's house. While she went to the kitchen, I noticed a little pink pastry on her desk. It looked really good, so I decided to take a bite before she got back. As I bit into it, a sizzling noise started, and foam overflowed in my mouth. It was a bath bomb. FML

#458793
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8084) - you deserved it (72267)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by skywayavenue (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

#329882
424 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21911) - you deserved it (269867)

On 03/14/2009 at 9:30pm - misc - by SwedishBozo (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

#284763
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58464) - you deserved it (19384)

On 03/12/2009 at 3:49pm - health - by mugs (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was studying for a final when I noticed all I had was a blue highlighter. I decided to drive to the store to get a yellow one. On the way there, I got $200 worth of traffic tickets for not stopping at a stop sign. I basically spent $200 because I prefer yellow highlighters over blue. FML

#278452
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16372) - you deserved it (93615)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:09pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

#267368
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21826) - you deserved it (71790)

On 03/11/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by theassman (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, to remind myself to write a check for my speech and debate team (Lynbrook Speech and Debate), I wrote "LSD money" on the back of my hand. The Vice Principal saw it, dragged me to the office, and called my parents. FML

#204455
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44483) - you deserved it (12852)

On 03/04/2009 at 2:05am - money - by gonkc (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

#125152
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16202) - you deserved it (43054)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma, who I was told was sick. I said I didn't know what to get her, so just to send her something nice. I got a call from my mom calling me an inconsiderate bastard. They sent my grandma forget-me-nots. She has Alzheimers. FML

#117948
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38756) - you deserved it (5940)

On 02/23/2009 at 9:22pm - misc - by Originality18 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn't clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML

#50686
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44723) - you deserved it (6064)

On 02/16/2009 at 12:45am - animals - by Ugh - United States (California)

Today, I went to a movie with my boyfriend. In the lobby, I asked why the glasses were not working. I said, "Do they only work inside the theater?" My boyfriend replied, "3-D glasses just work inside the movie, everything else in the World is pretty much 3-D." FML

#29434
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8050) - you deserved it (110831)

On 02/12/2009 at 1:00am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I played games on Barbie.com and gave up after 10 minutes. They were hard. FML

#14117
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9180) - you deserved it (35093)

On 02/07/2009 at 10:19pm - misc - by lilzoot (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I took a big sip of water while on a bus. It went down the wrong pipe, causing me to cough and hack loudly. The old woman sitting across from me asked if I was okay. Jokingly, I said, "Just dying." She replied, "You too, huh?" FML

#7761
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8009) - you deserved it (27668)

On 02/04/2009 at 10:48am - misc - by suicide (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my little sister and I were reading a book together and out of nowhere, she said "I love you". My heart melted and I told her that I love her too. Then she told me that she was talking to her stuffed animal, not me. FML

#4425
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29043) - you deserved it (2406)

On 01/31/2009 at 11:29pm - kids - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, at the Eurostar customs, an officer asked me if I had packed my luggage myself. I teasingly answered "No, I was helped by a member of Al Qaeda." which earned me a body and luggage search and a missed train. FML

#510
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5146) - you deserved it (51082)

On 12/14/2008 at 12:15am - misc - by Behemoth2 - Sent from mobile version



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