im 17, fun loving and enjoy a great laugh(:
Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML
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On 05/17/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickleing my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
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On 05/16/2009 at 7:26am - kids - by badmom101 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying 'I'm good' or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML
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On 05/16/2009 at 5:13am - misc - by UncleRory (man) - United States (New York)
Today, at work, some little girl went in the bathroom for quite a while. Came out for two minutes and went back in. She then came out with her finger clutched in a paper towel. One of the other coworkers went in to check the bathroom. The little girl wrote "Hi!" with her own poop. FML
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On 05/15/2009 at 3:20am - work - by RunningMurphy (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I ordered a graduation cake from a woman at the grocery store. She asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I said "Congratulations Annie". Then she asked me who was ordering and I said "Annie". I had to order my own cake. The woman was silent. FML
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On 05/14/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by Annebelle (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML
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On 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML
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On 05/14/2009 at 8:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML
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On 05/14/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Flicker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I gave my 16 year old step daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me the hypocritical pervert. FML
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On 05/12/2009 at 8:23pm - kids - by firewait (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I rode my bike to the store because I only had a few things to pick up. When I walked back out after five minutes, my bike was stolen. I had gone to the store to buy a new bike lock. FML
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On 05/12/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by getyourownbike (woman) - United States
Today, I went to Ralph's to get bread and a snack. While paying, an 80 year old lady, in a walker, took my bag while I wasn't watching. That's right, I got jacked by an 80 year old in a walker. FML
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On 05/12/2009 at 2:55am - misc - by iJason (man) - United States (California)
Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML
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On 05/10/2009 at 2:49pm - love - by airport (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said, "Oh don't your knees hurt, kneeling like that for so long?" Without thinking how it sounded, I said, "Oh no, it's not a problem. I'm on my knees all the time." He's yet to stop hitting on me. FML
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On 05/09/2009 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I thought it would be funny if I put a 'Free if Hot-Wired' sign on my friend's car. I guess it worked. FML
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On 05/09/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by t-dawg (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML
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On 05/08/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by ydahs (woman) - United States (California)
