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egc573's favorite FMLs
Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML
by Stoopid / 07/07/2009 at 1:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by shandrith / 07/03/2009 at 10:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends. My uncle passed by me in the mall. He said "What are you baby-sitting or something?" He pointed to the merry-go-round. My boyfriend was sitting on the giraffe yelling at the top of his lungs. FML
by merkris / 06/29/2009 at 11:41am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML
by Anonymous / 06/19/2009 at 1:26am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by thelarkscaw / 06/14/2009 at 11:37pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
by I_Am_The_Edge / 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML
by AyoitsSteveo / 05/24/2009 at 5:49am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
by sucks / 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML
by Flicker / 05/14/2009 at 3:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML
by MJ3105 / 05/07/2009 at 7:36am / Israel / Animals
Today, I was walking on the track when this really cute guy shows up. I was hot and sweaty, and wanted to impress him by pouring water on myself. Instead of being turned on, all he saw was me wiping my face on my shirt screaming. It wasn't water, I forgot I had brought Sprite. FML
by gymbob / 05/06/2009 at 7:36am / United States (Indiana) / Love
Today, I saw a commercial for some sort of meaty beef dish. The camera zoomed in and my mouth watered because it looked so delicious. Then flashed the next scene: golden retrievers running through a field and eating from their bowl. My mouth just watered for a dog food commerical. FML
by Anonymous / 04/15/2009 at 2:19am / United States (Michigan) / Animals
by Fitz / 04/12/2009 at 9:53am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
by tool / 04/09/2009 at 2:03am / United States (Nevada) / Work
- Today, I have my very first gynecologist appointment. I'm 15. My mom wants to "be on the safe side"… Today, there were no more seats on the bus I was taking home, which meant I had to stand. I noticed… Today, I was riding the subway when a beautiful topless girl walked into my car and sat directly in…