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effffitt's favorite FMLs
Today, while in the prison I work at, I came down with severe digestion issues. Master control probably laughed as they watched me wait at the security gates in a cold sweat, squeezing my ass-cheeks together like an inmate smuggling contraband. FML
by TwistedCherub1 / 02/01/2014 at 5:42pm / United States / Work
by seth7_ / 01/18/2014 at 2:14am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by Anonymous / 01/18/2014 at 1:29am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by notakeeper / 01/02/2014 at 10:50pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I was watching TV with my husband, and he started getting frisky. When the commercial break started, we started having sex. When he came, there were still two commercials left before the show resumed. FML
by erjazo / 12/31/2013 at 4:19pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by thejanamonster / 12/30/2013 at 2:48pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/25/2013 at 6:19pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at the gym, I noticed a creepy-looking guy watching me. When I got up from the equipment, I noticed that he sniffed the seat. I didn't say anything the first time. After he did it the second time, I asked him to stop. He bent down and sniffed it without breaking eye contact. FML
by gymgirl / 12/17/2013 at 6:48pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by igotpride / 12/09/2013 at 4:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by knee pain / 12/09/2013 at 2:17pm / United States / Health
by anonymous / 12/09/2013 at 10:10am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/09/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by goingtothegym / 12/08/2013 at 8:16pm / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 12/08/2013 at 11:49am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML
by fuck my eyeballs / 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm / United States (California) / Work
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…