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About ecce : Eyeliner and cigarettes.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Today, I was on the city bus, and there was a woman and her child sitting behind me. I began to feel tugging on my jacket so I leaned forward, assuming the child was pulling at my jacket. I sat back and felt the tugging again. After a couple of minutes, I heard the mother say "stop chewing on that!" FML
Today, the instructions on my new IKEA bed made me cry. It includes a picture of a person working alone with a frown crossed out and is replaced by two smiling people working together. I have no one in my life to help me. FML
Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML
Today, I bust my lip when a car bumped into mine. As I headed home, I was stopped by the police who told me my back light was out. I tried to explain, but it just came out as "fghjiljh" because of my lip. I was arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving. FML
Today, I learned that the four girls who I assumed were my girlfriends' good friends and whom she was always talking about were actually characters from the television show, "Sex and the City." My girlfriend has fictional friends. FML
Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML
Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML
Monday 1 September 2014