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ecarr's favorite FMLs
by Scott / 09/15/2011 at 3:34am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML
by SoupCanoe / 08/29/2011 at 4:33am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health
Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2011 at 12:48am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a girl came into my salon to permanently straighten her really long and curly hair. After several long hours, I went to the counter to charge her. She ran out faster than an Olympic runner. FML
by theultimatesalonfail / 08/14/2011 at 8:47pm / United States / Work
by INside / 08/02/2011 at 12:52am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, a bunch of guys at work chased me down a corridor with a Febreze spray for smelling like I'd been "sleeping in a hollowed-out horse's carcass" and having "the personal hygiene of a billy goat." FML
by Champion the wonder horse / 07/28/2011 at 4:15am / United States / Work
by ohmygosh / 07/21/2011 at 7:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by douglas / 07/17/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/24/2011 at 5:09pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML
by ohsnap / 01/22/2011 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I fed my cats their usual dinner of canned cat food. Without thinking, I put the spoon I had used for their food into my mouth so I could use both hands to rinse the can before recycling it. FML
by Anonymous / 01/09/2011 at 10:18pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals
by parentfail / 12/11/2010 at 9:44am / United Kingdom / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/17/2010 at 1:55am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I got my wisdom teeth taken out. The two male doctors told me they'd give me anesthesia, but when they did, I could still hear them. I heard them talking about my breasts and how flat they were for a 17 year old. FML
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, I've been living in Germany for several weeks now. My classmates still cannot pronounce my… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only…