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dwyoung's FML badges
Up and coming moderator
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dwyoung's favorite FMLs
Today, I went on a coffee date with the man I've been in love with for a while. Before I knew what was going on, he'd started chatting up a pretty girl sitting nearby. I had to drink my coffee alone while he got her number. FML
by firstdategonebad / 10/12/2012 at 2:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML
by Dino / 10/12/2012 at 2:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, after saving up for weeks, I bought myself an iPad. Because mine is better than the one my parents bought my ten-year-old brother, he got pissed and threw it into our pool. I'm now grounded for getting angry and calling him a bastard in the aftermath. FML
by future missing person maker person thingy / 10/11/2012 at 4:37pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Kids
by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML
by Failed Parent / 10/11/2012 at 2:59am / United States / Kids
by agh marriage / 10/11/2012 at 1:56am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
by Timmeeh / 10/10/2012 at 12:45pm / United Kingdom (Monmouthshire) / Love
Today, I applied for a job as a secretary. As I sat in the waiting room, the interviewer came out with his wife. She gave me a once-over, then said to her husband, "Hire this one. She's so ugly, you would never have an affair with her." FML
by caltech / 10/10/2012 at 12:15am / United States (California) / Work
Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
by cumhole / 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, at work, my buddy pulled up in his car. I handed him $40, and he handed me a bag. It must have looked like a drug deal, but he was actually just smuggling in the new Pokémon game for me. I'm 22, and a drug deal would probably have been less embarrassing to explain. FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 12:03pm / Canada (Quebec) / Work
Today, the guy I've been madly in love with for ages finally asked me out. I excitedly said yes. I waited a half an hour for him to show up, with another girl and say, "Where's your date?" I was asked to go on a double date, but apparently he forgot to tell me. FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 8:12am / United States / Love
by habsgurl0622 / 10/08/2012 at 2:57pm / United States (Alabama) / Love
by jack / 10/08/2012 at 2:36pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he said that I should go to the bathroom so we don't end up pregnant. When I asked why, he said that I need to "pee out the semen." I explained to him 5 times that I don't pee out of my vagina. He still doesn't get it. FML
by bucollegegirl / 10/08/2012 at 10:07am / United States / Intimacy
- Today, I was outed. I'm 43 years old and have been in the closet since I realized I was gay in the… Today, i was asked to keep a bottle of coke in my backpack while we were walking in the park. Half… Today, I was at the Five Guys in Cardiff, and I decided to treat myself by getting five portions of…