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dwyoung's FML badges
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
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It’s in the can
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dwyoung's favorite FMLs
Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML
by Smash_Mouth / 03/08/2009 at 12:36am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she said she heard us doing the nasty the night before and I denied it, hoping I could call her bluff. She paused for a moment and moaned EXACTLY like my girlfriend does. FML
by ToobyFrank / 03/06/2009 at 12:51pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden. Five minutes later, my friend told me that the girl had just given him a blowjob. FML
by cumguzzler / 03/06/2009 at 11:14am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, there was a story called "Looking Good" about fashion in school that ran in the local newspaper. On the front page of that section it featured a picture of my class. I was photoshopped out. FML
by failout / 03/05/2009 at 4:36pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML
by ubbernoob / 03/05/2009 at 2:33pm / United States (Arkansas) / Health
Today, I was working at Chuck-E-Cheese. If that isn't enough, I was put in the mouse costume. Due to the disgusting hot smell and atmosphere in the costume, I fainted in front of a birthday party. I awoke to a little boy screaming who then kicked me in the face and ran. FML
by Shell / 03/05/2009 at 2:14am / United States (Oregon) / Work
by you would / 03/04/2009 at 12:15am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML
by Noname / 02/26/2009 at 11:02pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML
by jsw029 / 02/25/2009 at 11:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I came back from college and visited my parents house. There was a new family portrait hung over the mantel of my parents and 2 sisters. My mom had always wanted one but always postponed it. It was dated the day after I left for college. FML
by xoothc08 / 02/25/2009 at 5:06pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, me and my girlfriend were watching some show about sex on the discovery channel. The topic of female orgasms came up and she said, "Wow, I wonder what that's like?" We've been dating and sexually active for three years. FML
by secret123 / 02/24/2009 at 6:01am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonn / 02/23/2009 at 8:14am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I was working my shift and my ex girlfriend came in to apply for a job. She broke up with me for another guy so i can't stand being in the same room as her. The manager talked to her and decided to hire her on the spot. I need to train her. FML
by jeezy / 02/23/2009 at 5:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by niabby / 02/20/2009 at 6:13pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by Mick / 02/20/2009 at 3:29am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous